All I have to do is dream...

I've been dreaming...and it's just hanging on...I can't wake up! Do you ever feel you are half asleep? and still trying to "shake" it? I bought a book for just such occasions: 10,000 Dreams and Their Meaning. Now, who wrote this book, I don't know and how long does it take to figure out that many meanings? I mean how many years did it take and why do I even care anyway???

So, I keep it on the nightstand or in the bathroom, because when you wake up, it's easy to forget, imagine that! So what I do remember is this: I was actually in outer space and talking with my brother, a retired judge, on what was some kinda patio deck? And there were tupperware-like bins thrown all over the place and someone told me to check them out and see if any of the stuff was mine...?...Well, couldn't find any of my stuff, but there was a bunch of my grown daughter's underwear in a bin-thongs to be exact and freshly laundered. In the pile was also a diamond engagement ring "about 1 and a half carats" according to a space buddy who checked it out. In comes my daughter and she doesn't want any of it, including the diamond. (She always was a picky one) So I was just standing there with a clean thong in one hand and a diamond ring in another when I heard a bird chirping! Enter reality-real birds outside my real window "Time to get up"

I sit up and quickly grab the book before I forget and look up the topic "Space" and it says something like; You will soon be released from a confining situation  Wow! it actually makes a little sense this time, the statement, anyway...

Now I wonder...what situation? I do feel confined, after all, I am stuck in this plus-sized body and I really am quite a skinny person deep inside-Am I gonna lose a "ton" of weight? Or, am I gonna get a new job? My dream has always been to be a greeter at Wal-mart. But what I really want is to get a job at Barnes and Noble. Although, I am sure I would get fired quickly for "handling the merchandise." All they would find is a bunch of "dog-earred" books in the crime fiction aisle...

OR, is my daughter gonna finally take care of her laundry so I don't feel smothered ? (I have enough of my own in a big pile,thank you very much!) AND is she gonna get married and have someone else besides "Daddy" change her flat tires?

Wow, what's it gonna be? I choose what's behind Door #1! One "ton of weight" coming up and out the door please! The dream job, I will save for when I retire in 10 or so years. And my daughter? Well some dreams are meant to be dreamt of and not realized for years and years...but I can still dream,

 can't I?

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids...

On the road again

Been on vacation this past week and have not written on my blog and I am now in the car on the way home “hoping” that I can just copy and paste this later. Worth a try, right?

I spent time in Northeast Georgia where we have a “family home” We love to go there as often as we can. I like to go in Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. So the summer weather is HOT! We always go to Helen, Ga and I like to say we go to “Helen back” cuz it is scorching, no breeze, except for the one little place that sells wind chimes…there is quite a breeze at that one particular spot. Did they pray and God blessed them with wind or did they make a deal with the devil ? Charlie Daniels says “the devil went down to Georgia” so, it’s got me thinking! (They probably have a little oscillating fan hidden in the corner somewhere)

Now I can hardly wait to go back in Fall, because it is my favorite season of all…The trees are amazing! It’s as if God “opened a box of crayons and just colored all the trees” my quote…Now being raised in Florida, all we have ever seen is green, boring green. Unless a tree was brown and dead. I had a box of 64 crayons when I was a kid and always loved brick red, burnt sienna, and all the golds and browns, so when I saw the true colors of fall up close, I was and am still in awe…America the beautiful, indeed!

I have a good friend who, like me, was raised in the deep south of sunny Florida, and she has never seen the magnificent artwork of Autumn. I want her to come to my family home in the fall when the colors are their most vivid. I must share this with her…It’s like seeing snow for the first time or driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains and discovering that they really are “blue” God really is quite an artist, isn’t He? And what about snow? Besides making ‘snow angels’ in my sister’s front lawn in 1990 winter in Iowa, and being called in by her because “the neighbors will see” I marveled at the pure brilliance of the ‘white of snow’ I don’t know about you, but I think God has more than 64 colors in His art box! I love to color, kids love to color…He really has this color thing perfected and don’t even get me started on nature itself!

How can you not believe there is a Creator? I heard it said like this “If you were walking along the beach ( another awesome piece of His handiwork) and you found a watch in the sand, would you not realize that somewhere there is a Watchmaker?”

Winter, spring,summer or fall, all ya have to do is call and I’ll be there, yes I will…

Smile, just smile...

I sat two hours in the dentist chair today...They gave me a new smile :) Great, wonderful, awesome! Except for the drilling, drilling, drilling and they did not have a radio today...They always have music there! Are ya kiddin me? How will I distract myself ? How will I get through this? I had my
I-phone with me and turned on Pandora radio and it was good, I could hear it until he started drilling, then they could hear it but I could not hear it...Aaargh!

 

So I did the only thing I could do...Pray, and after one Our Father, I had plenty of time left so I let my mind ramble and the only thing I could think of was Dental Abuse! Aaargh! I am a victim and was traumatized as a child. Here was the deal; in the 1950s-60s, the dentist was not a place my family went to on a regular basis and dental insurance? We didn't even have health insurance! So when we were writhing in pain, they would finally break down and bring us...Well! it cost $12 to fill a tooth and it cost $10 to pull a tooth, so you guessed it! I had a lot of teeth pulled!



In second grade, my brother, in the only intentional violent act of his life, pushed me down a slide and I chipped my front tooth...Enter more trauma, every single school picture from then on would be evidence of that fateful day...To this day, my brother denies his participation in any such crime...Oh, OK, it wasn't you! a statement I would make many times in my life I would soon learn.

I suffered with a dysfunctional smile until I was married. At least I found someone who didn't mind the shadow of my smile to marry me...He never did seem to notice. Well, I will tell you that after several more tooth pullings, and a long list of different dentists, I ended up with a dentist that said "Ya know...I could file that front tooth of yours and you would hardly even notice that chip"...And so he did...and he didn't even charge me...And guess what? You could hardly notice it anymore....Crap, I had to pay extra for my senior pictures in high school to have my teeth filled in!

Suffice it to say, from that moment on, I would never be afraid to make dentist appointments for my children again...thought I was gonna say for me, huh? Well, I continued to go to dentist after dentist after dentist. What was I looking for? I don't know, pain-free experience?

And so, back to today, it was a little more than $12, it was 200 times more, and that was $2400 and my dental insurance had already paid $1500! This was option #2, the first option was 1000 times more...$12,000! That is pretty much half a car, so I guess I will take Door #2!

Won't ya smile awhile for me, Sara

Timed out

Did you ever fill out an application online? Its lotsa fun! we are trying to buy a new car and I thought it would be so much easier to fill out the credit union application online, so, sounds good, huh?
Now I must first tell you that I already did fill out an application about two weeks ago and then again about 3 months ago. We are just taking some time to find the right vehicle and not impulse buy, like we usually do. This may be the 9th vehicle we have purchased through this credit union also. So, when I filled out my application as a primary, that means your name is first and your credit is run first, and the percentage rate for the loan jumped oh, let me do the math, 6.75 points in the last 60-90 days!

Hmm...what the ??? Yep, that's what they tell me, but they can't tell me why... it's my credit, who you keeping a secret from? Anyway, I am told that my spouse can be the primary and then it would be 4.75 points lower! Oh dear God...Are ya kidding me? Well, why is his credit better? They can't tell me...well,at least now I know who you are keeping this secret from! Thanks! So, let's try it again! I go online last night and tried two times to fill out the application and I got "timed out" This is somehow for our security ...But I wasn't finished! OK, so maybe I am slow at typing, but I am tired now and so I went to bed thinking I would have a fresh start in the morning...

Fast forward to today 10am...I was all prepared, I had our employer's addresses and phone numbers written down, our SS#s, our driver's license number's, our mother's first cousin's neighbor's girl scout troop's number...EVERYTHING I needed!!! I even had two, three cups of coffee in me! And I started, got half way through... timed out for my security. Tried again, sped up a little... timed out for my security. Now I am really starting to get ticked off...Third time's the charm??? Nope did it again! And I tell you I was typing faster than a speeding bullet too! Aw, crap, I give up! Don't even tell me I need to actually go there and fill out a paper application? That is so 1990! come on! Deep breath in...deep breath out...count to ten...get out your frustrations by blogging. HOLY Mary! mother of pearl...You won't believe it! I just got "timed out" doing this blog!!! If I'm lying, I'm dying! At least, the blog gave me some more time to finish, phew! Now back to the credit union...

If I could turn back time, if I could find a way...

Jack and Jill...

Took a few days off... seems like each time I sat down to write, there was too much noise and confusion to distract me. I must have Adult ADD...I have been "accused" of it by a professional, no less! gave me some Rx that didn't do Jack or Jill! Now they diagnose all ages with that... crazy, huh? but how could I develop that after all these years?

 

I was always Ok as a kid, and believe me I had plenty of crap to distract me then...always some family drama...you know the saying "save the drama for your mama" In our house the "drama was my mama"...I will not delve into any of her crises, because to do so would not be fair, but let's just say she was not exactly Mrs Cleaver and leave it at that. She is now living life as a cute little ole lady in one of the city's nicest ALF's. Everybody loves her and that is as it should be.

Back to my attention problem, I did learn that I have a balance disorder, a what? Medically it is called a vestibular disorder, a what??? Well, it's like this...I feel like I'm swaying all the time and as if I'm gonna walk into a wall. OK, let me just stop here and say that I am not much of a drinker, not that I don't enjoy the devil's brew now and again! It's just that I already feel dizzy most of the time. Why would I want to add to this with ETOH?

Back to the balance thing...I went to a physical therapist, after having something called, of all things a "balance test'" sarcasm intended. Now I was not told the results of this test until I showed up in a different neurologist's office across town, over a year later with a new complaint, which now escapes me?? Anyway, he told me all kinds of stuff...Turns out all the falling down episodes or the unspoken feeling that I was gonna stroke out at any given time, or gee, here's one that has plagued me for many, many years "Nausea" and her nasty little friend "Vomiting"....all these wonderful feelings or what we in the medical world call symptoms were most likely related to this disorder...Hmm, guess I was compensating for this somehow for oh, gee, most of my life!

Well, now I can breathe, and not worry that I will die of embarrassment after being found on the floor somewhere! I will just say "Oh, I'm fine, keep going, don't need any help here...I'll get up in a minute or so"...Oh, let me count the ways and the times and the places I have fallen, but I could always get up! none of that old lady crap for me!

My husband would be walking along and hear me say "Yo! could ya help a girl out?" and then he

would turn around, see me on the ground and say "Oh, you fell again" and extend his hand as if it were perfectly natural and then we'd be on our way again.

Not that falling doesn't have a comical side to it...I fell "up the stairs" at a Jimmy Buffett concert once. I fell at Disney World and although I was scraped up, it was not good enough for any free passes or even a lawsuit, no less! I passed out and fell at Busch Gardens once and the whole family got free passes for the whole day while I spent time in the first aid station drinking gatorade and resting.

 I flew over a wheelchair into a wall, while working, and got right up with some assistance from a Spanish speaking stranger saying "Oh, dios mio!" So many more, so little time!

All in all, all these wonderful life experiences would have been missed if not for the annoying little problem that most likely developed after an ear infection as a kid...so no ADD for me, thank you, and I will pass on the nausea please! There are lots of stories about that, but nausea is only funny to medical professionals so I will spare you all that!

Falling, yes I am falling and it keeps calling me back again






Shoulda known better with a girl like you...

I found a picture of myself in 10th grade. I was so darn cute and skinny, that it's downright scary! "Do I still look like that?" I asked my friend Bobby, 10th grade was the year I met him. Now it's possible that he is afraid to answer. Guys are funny that way. They stop and pause and think about what they should say and what 'version of the truth' they should tell you. Guys only do that if they like you or love you. If they don't care or like you, they answer quickly
"yeah, yeah, you look the same" They don't know that we ask them stuff like that just to mess with them and it's also a surefire way to get a compliment if ya need one.....Oh and Bobby said "Yep, but purdier" Told ya!! Guys are really great sometimes!

I'll do an experiment for you. I will show my husband the very same picture and ask him the same question...OK, experiment over! First I have to tell you that one of his favorite movies is Yes Man with Jim Carey. So I showed him the picture and he did not hesitate or pause, he said "Yes, dear, you sure do look the same" So, did my experiment backfire or what? Nah, he just knows how to play the game after many years and he does that just to mess with me...

So the bigger question is this..."Why do I see that younger, prettier, skinnier girl in the mirror when I look into it?" Am I the only one with a 'magic mirror' or does my heart just see what it wants to see? Aww, 17 again, would I go back if I could? Uh, yeah...

I would right a few wrongs, take more risks, go to more concerts, for sure, especially The Young Rascals concert at Pirate's World. 

I would have slapped the crap out of a few of the jerks I dated too. 

I would have gone to college if I had to beg, borrow or steal to do it.

 I would have moved away from here. 

I would have been unafraid to talk to anyone!

  I would have been the me I am today then. 

I would not be scared of my own shadow.

I would have been one of the most confident, friendly, funny, kind, honest, outspoken people you could ever meet. 

I would have been me sooner...

So, how did I get from there to here and acquire all these adjectives? Heck, all you need is a few 'co-pays' and you can figure it out pretty quick...

But, to change all that would change me, I guess, huh? And it would change who my children and my grandchildren are....And in the end, they are the reason I would not go back....I would not have missed meeting them for the world....To know that you are a reason that certain wonderful women are on the planet is a very powerful thing...They are my greatest work and the most awesome gifts that I could ever give to the world...

Well, she was just 17, if you know what I mean

Time spent, money spent

Sometimes I just shut down my brain and let it take a vacation. I did this today and gave it a day off... a day where I could spend time with friends and spend money on me. I call it a $100.00 day. I start off in the drug store, where I pick up two $5 prescriptions and it costs $20+ because hair dye was on sale and I do need some greeting cards, Yes! I still send snail mail...I think it is sweet and old fashioned, and I will not give that up...yet...

Then it is on to the jewelry store down the street. I have not worn my wedding ring for well over a year. Why? The diamond fell out at work one day...I am just now getting over the loss...it was a full 1/8th of a carat...but I have had it for nearly a 100 years and had grown very fond of it, considering it a good luck charm, if you will...The diamond was from my original engagement ring. I had my rings re-designed and put in a temporary CZ stone. I find it fascinating when people actually have the gall to ask "Is it real?" whenever a stone is a carat or bigger "Well, yeah, it's real, you're looking right at it, aren't you?" 

But back to the real reason I was at the jewelry store...My fingers have gained some weight in the last year or so, so I had my triple diamond (they are real, yes) Anniversary ring "sized" and that was $26. I like that word "sized". I would like to be "sized" and made smaller, please! After all, rings can be "sized" bigger or smaller. Sounds good, huh? Wish it was that easy...

One of my favorite "haunts" is Ross. I like to say "I got it at Ross" because I get a lot of stuff there and I say it even if I "got it at Target" because, like the commercial, it's just catchier... I fill up the shopping cart with stuff and after looking at every single top in my size, a size smaller and a size larger...See there is that "size" thing again...anyway, I found one top in a size smaller for $6.99.

 I may never wear it, but that's not the point. The point is, I found one top in the whole store, then it was on to household items...I found a little gadget that cuts jelly sandwiches into the shape of dinosaurs... Who knew? At $1.99, it was such a deal, I had to have it...Maybe I'll make jelly sandwiches for dinner tonight...So after I put back over half the items in my cart and paid for the other half ( $33) it was time to eat...

Next stop, lunch with my friends, who had never met, but I knew they would like each other and get along and they did have friends in common. I just enjoyed listening and laughing and being with them. It was like a spa day for my brain to be there. Alcohol wasn't or didn't need to be involved. It was relaxing and I enjoyed the time with them...priceless

All in all, I fell short of my $100.00 and that's OK, I can make that up another day...

Say you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfied

Day of Rest

So I missed a day, so what? It figures, it was only a matter of time. I am so inconsistent! I hate that about me...I always manage to miss up and mess up. I wasn't gonna say that I was gonna keep this blog going for a whole year like that Julie/Julia girl did because I know myself and I cannot be counted on to do any one thing every day...except maybe sleep, yeah I sleep every day but not the same amount of hours and I never go to bed at the same time...see? Not consistent!

  Umm, let's see, I eat every day, but again, not at the same time and certainly not in a healthy manner each day.

 I do get up every day, but not at the same time! You would think that I shower each day but I don't, (sometimes I just take a bath) See, not one thing I can think of that I absolutely do every day...Heck, believe it or not, I don't even check FACEBOOK every day!

Which comes to the other side of the coin, which is the worst of all and that is procrastination!
Hey, I think I can truly say that each and every day I probably procrastinate in some way, shape or form. It is a horrible disease of which there is no cure...I will actually start one project just so I don't have to work on the one which should take priority, like doing dishes, instead of doing laundry because I am out of work clothes. Or start a sewing project instead of paying bills, or clean the front porch instead of clean the refrigerator out...Any thing that keeps me from doing paperwork is a good thing. I also put off opening my mail, which keeps me from paying the bills that come in them.

Now what I can do is work well under pressure and get a job done when there is a deadline!
 I am amazing at that, because that really is where Mr. Procrastination meets Mr. Deadline.
Now at my job, these secrets are never apparent because 'the procrastinator' only hangs out for the first 30 minutes or so, and then the 'deadline guy' starts to push me through the next several hours, sometimes with the help of Mr. Coffee! This kind of deadline has its own special reward:
quitting time!

 Now I can go home and put off making dinner until I check Facebook or maybe I will write or maybe I will do laundry or the dishes: anything to keep from doing what really needs to be done...sounds like I need to learn to prioritize! but, heck that's a whole other word and a whole other blog!

I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow...

Teach your children well

A teacher can make or break a kid-they have power...power to influence,
power to inspire, power to destroy...

 

When we were kids, we didn't know we were from the poor side of town until some idiot pointed it out to us. When my sister had to stop taking clarinet lessons in school, the teacher called her a quitter. A quitter, huh? Yes, a quitter. Did he even give her a chance to tell him why?

 
Probably not; an idiot like that would never listen to a kid anyway. It was because of money that she had to "quit" playing an instrument that had become her very friend. She practiced and played until we were literally begging her to quit. But we didn't mean quit as in quitter,
 just knock it off for a few hours, huh?

Anyway, what the hell is wrong with someone who would crush a child like that? Only she knows the lasting effects of what his statement really did..

.

But on the other hand, maybe the best thing that can happen to any little girl is to have an absolute angel for a first grade teacher! She was the prettiest, sweetest, most caring lady that we would ever meet and she would have a lifelong influence on two little sisters forever. She would inspire my sister to come home and play school with me and teach me everything she learned that day.

And then, when it came my turn to go to first grade, I was lucky enough to have her as my very own first grade teacher too! I remember See Jane Run, See Spot Run and being called on to read aloud in class. She looked at me as if I were already the best reader that she ever taught and I just knew that I could do it! I could read out loud! And I remember her kindness the day she noticed I didn't have any milk money and I was near tears and then she slipped a nickel into my hand...

She was my first role model of what a woman could be. She could work, be a wife and mother and really, really care about her students. She knew and counted it a privilege to be our teacher. She taught us the way she would have liked her own children to be taught. She was an influence, an inspiration, an ever lasting example that would bless the rest of our lives...

I knew that when I grew up, I wanted to be her...but I didn't become her...I became something else because in our family, college was never discussed. The very possibility was something only rich kids could think or dream of. But I still wanted to be her...My heart always knew that somehow, some way, some day I could achieve it.

I became a wife and a mother and later as an adult, a nurse and I finally went to college and I finally taught my patients many years later...I did not become her, but I did become me and I was kind, caring, and encouraging to those entrusted to my care, because she first taught me...

 Mrs Saltrick, I wish I could tell you in person what you meant to me. I believed you were my guardian angel because you were at almost EVERY school I went to. What were the chances that you would be at my middle and high school as well? You taught your children well..

There IS so much more to her story than words can tell...She was our Jr high school guidance counselor and she was also the guidance counselor where my daughters went to school!

She was at a restaurant where my daughter works and saw HER and asked her if she was MY daughter, she had radar for us...and then one day I was working as a nurse taking care of a couple and their last name was Saltrick  I came in extra that day, I was not supposed to be there and there she was! I felt like a 'first grader' again! I was so excited...to me it was like seeing a celebrity, because in my heart she will always be... as the Reader's Digest used to call "The most unforgettable character" I had ever met.

Just look at them and sigh, and know they love you

Writer's Block

Funny thing about FACEBOOK, some people don't realize that the whole world can see what you write. They may think they are just talking to their friends but they are shocked to see what others may say when they write something that is either off color, nasty, judgmental, bigoted or just plain mean...

The written word cannot be taken back...there is no way to back pedal from what is written.

 
The spoken word can be twisted and molded into something different, however... If backed into a corner, you can always say..."Oh that is not what I meant" or "I was just kidding" or accuse the other person of "twisting everything I say around"...We can dance around the spoken word...we might even say "did I say that? I don't remember saying that but well, if you say I did, then maybe I did," which puts seeds of self doubt into your adversary's mind...

When you write it, it's gospel, you might as well spit on it and give it some extra DNA. "Did I write that?" Uh, yes, yes you did, look here it is, this is your handwriting...or yes I printed out the email that you sent me, you wrote it alright...

A child I know wrote this on Facebook---"Oh my flippin god"...I replied: "Do you have a flippin god? Really?" If you said this aloud in my presence, you would be tasting the sweet pique of Palmolive soap, Ralphie!

It all comes down to respect, watch your words, use your words, words words...Which words are ok to use and which should be off limits? Do you know your prospective employer can check you out on Facebook? They might not like that you call your BFF a "ho"...they can't hear that you are just kidding...They may not be comfortable with the fact that you are comfortable with so many four letter words... They may not even be pleased to see you write that you hate your job...you never know who's checking out the comment you wrote! it may be a co-worker in the next cubicle. Sure, they are not your friend, but they might be your friend's friend...

Think twice, keep it light, not political or religious, that's a whole other can of worms...Use only bad words for your traffic jams, but keep it down. Someone might hear you...like a two year old in the back seat or the guy that just cut you off...he might just be lookin for a fight....

Like they say:  Use your words!  Use good words...save all the bad words for closed doors or alone time.

It's only words, but words are all I have...so choose wisely...

Instant Karma

What goes round, comes 'round. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
 Karma is a bitch! They all mean the same..... what you put out there will come back to you.

Well, that law can really suck sometimes.

 I was just talking about Pain the other day,
I wasn't "dissing" it. And what did I get? Pretty much the worst pain of my life except for labor x 2 of course! I merely ate a tuna sub on a mixed grain roll (no onions, even) and wham! "Hello, here I am, I will now be trying to force the entire contents of your stomach up through your mild hiatal hernia and cause you some real pain, be-otch !" 

What the ? No amount of tums or 'over the counter' Zantac could help me escape the fiery flames of this case of indigestion! Hells Bells, mama! I had to sleep sitting up all night. Now other thoughts that popped into my mind were "I am in my heart attack years!" and "a blow like that to the ticker" could cause some serious damage...Hmm, is my left arm tingling or is that my imagination?

 Did I read somewhere that indigestion can "mimic" a heart attack?...Geez, I feel a little dizzy,
what's up with that? Well, let me just try to survive the night and if I don't wake up dead,
then I can figure this out tomorrow...

Good morning world, I made it through the night...Now at the doctors office, I get the "well you know you are older now, it might have been a good idea to rule out any cardiac issues"
Yes, I see, as I took the Rx for Protonix: big guns for heartburn, everybody who is admitted to the hospital gets this drug whether they need it or not! And "since you are here, your cholesterol is up let's give you a prescription "for that too!

And so I am here, with an appointment with my gastro guy, not the cardiologist, been there done that, will discuss at another time...

Oops, forgot to take my meds, where is that Protonix? And let's just save that cholesterol medicine for a day when I am off so I can monitor any side effects that could happen...and where is the rest of that tuna sub? "Why in the world are we here, surely not to live in pain and fear"

Well, we all shine on....

And the password is...

Crazy thing about computers and emails and banks and jobs and retail business; they ALL require passwords....funny thing about memory; I cannot remember them all and thought I had a foolproof application to help me remember them all....I didn't....they all disappeared into cyberspace. They are so easy to forget and so hard to remember. That's a bit of an oxymoron statement but never the less, a true statement. And we worry about hackers all the time....

How can they figure passwords out when they don't even know us? How do they know the name of your dog or cat? ( which is a terrible thing to use as a password)  Maybe we should pick the name of a favorite song or movie and the year we heard it or a favorite musician or movie star. Hmm, now I have some ideas for new passwords, but wait a minute, I just gave you a clue to my thoughts! Hmm, let me think...maybe the name of the bully from elementary school or that pretty girl who passed by you everyday that you were too shy to make friends with...

Opens up a whole new thought process, eh? Well whatever you do, make it strong, add some numbers here and there and for God's sake, remember them! Someday I suspect our fingerprints will be our passwords and there will be a place on the computer to just 'sign in'  Until then I will count on my memory or the coded pieces of papers that are locked into my trusty safe deposit box. Good night, hackers! Good luck trying to figure out which bully or pretty girl ended up being one of my passwords! My elementary and Jr high and high school was full of them! Now if I could just remember one of their names...

Memories, like the corners of my mind...

Pain, pain go away!

Because of You  by Reba and Kelly Clarkson is playing on the radio as I try to think of a subject.
I am well rested after taking a muscle relaxer for sleep last night and my mind is somewhat blank.

Is that what happens when we sleep good? I can't take the chance that any thoughts of mine will somehow escape into the dark of night! Where is my list of to-do and what to avoid? What day is this? Why am I in a panic because all I want to do is lay back down on the couch and find that peaceful escape again?

Chemicals and creativity don't mix, I guess, even if they are prescription...my bones and joints don't even feel that much better, though rested. What is it with doctors who try to fix us with drugs? I do have a few (drugs, not doctors ) that actually help me and this I know because I ran out of them and while waiting for them to be renewed ("we have to fax the doctor first" ) guess what? The symptoms that they were supposed to relieve actually showed up! And they brought fiendish friends. They were full force and stronger too.

I had actually forgotten about Pain, my old adversary, but there he was! yeah, I said he!
 He is stronger than me, for sure, and he can cut me down in a wink of an eye. What good is Pain?
 If it's a reminder that I am alive or can actually feel something, then I got the point long time ago,
so back off Buddy!

Some people have a sick relationship with pain. They are married to it and when they have a chance to divorce it, then they don't want to, because why? They won't have someone to complain or bitch about, that's why...

I have been in a legal separation with Pain for years...legal because my pain pills are by Rx only,
no street drugs for me... we are still drawing up the terms of our final separation and I fear that may only end at the Pearly Gates, but that's OK. I prefer to have a working relationship with this literal pain in my butt until then and so we shall be "frenemies" for now. I will let him think that he has the upper hand and moan and groan here and there when it is appropriate. I may even use a heating pad or an ice pack or two. You know what they say....keep your friends close and your enemies closer.......

Sometimes, it is better  to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Sunday,Maunday,Tuesday...

"Sunday, Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday"
That's what Tom Hanks character said in "You've Got Mail" ...
What day is it today, anyway?

 

When you work a job that has odd days, like I do, for the past 30+ years, you have to think about it. "Do I work today or not?"
Weekends and holidays? You work them...every other weekend,
every other New Year's Eve, Christmas or Thanksgiving... July 4rth? Well, did you have off  Memorial Day? Then you work!

 

The days run into each other this way...the weeks run into each other even faster. Like someone tailgating you on I-95, they are always creeping up on you. "Sunday's on the phone to Monday, Tuesday's on the phone to me" oh, yeah!

I know a kid who lives for the weekend! He talks to the days, like they are his friends or enemies.
 He is not "a fan of Tuesdays after the holidays" and he is always cheering for Friday. "Come on!" and when Saturday is here, he is so happy, like he is visiting a long lost friend. "Here you are! We are gonna have a good time now!" He usually curses Wednesdays and Thursdays...He might want to think about making some kind of doctor's appointment on maybe Monday?
( If the voices say it is ok, that is )

All I can say is I am thrilled that there are not 8 Days a Week, because I would probably get stuck working it! and what would we call it anyway? What would we call it? My mind is blank, totally blank! Where did the concept of a week come from anyway? God....He was tired after six days so He just kicked back on Sunday. Well thank Him that He didn't work through or we would have had 8 days!

My life is scattered, not orderly like the weekdays. All the 9-5er's have it made, if you ask me! When they are old and feeble, they will know that on Friday, they can count on meatloaf and on Saturday, there will be spaghetti. They equivocate the days of the week with food or activities. My grandma did laundry on Wednesdays and grocery shopping on Fridays. No wonder it drove her nuts when I didn't do her shopping on the day she wanted! It rocked her world, but not in a good way...

And so, my life became flexible, like the career I chose, any day, any time! You are needed 24-7
and so you will be here as the need sees fit. Get used to it, we don't care if you don't like staying up all night or you get a stomachache at 3am! Get used to working 3 days on and 1 day off, too! Now back to 2 days on and 2 days off and then 3 again. Well anyway, you get the drift. How many days was that? Hmmm 3+1+2+2+3=11. Eleven? Eleven days? Well where the hell is Saturday or Sunday in that mess????

My point being, to some of us there is no Saturday or Sunday! So if we can't come to BBQ's or birthday parties or even church, it may be because we are on the job and maybe we can hang out with you 9-5ers some evening. Or if you give us enough time, we could request a special weekend off and come to your baby shower or wedding!

So anyway, enough said, I am more casual in my approach to life because of it... I don't give a rip what day the laundry or food shopping gets done. As long as it is this week or next. And one thing is for sure... it does not matter, what day it is as far as house cleaning goes! If it looks dirty today, well, truth is, it may or may not get cleaned, no matter what day of the week it is! Now gotta go! Tuesdays calling...do I work today or not? Gotta check the calendar...Oh crap! guess I do...

Eight Days a Week is not enough to show I care...

.

Sleep...hmmmm...zzzzzz

Well, sleep is overrated any way, right? Seems like a waste of time sometimes and besides why bother to catch a few zzzz's when ya just gotta get up in a few hours anyhow?

Lotsa people have sleep disorders or sleep disturbances today.
I do...I have sleep apnea, which basically means that I stop breathing while I sleep and not enough oxygen goes to my brain and that can cause all kinds of crap. Heck, I am so tired that I can hardly remember it all ....I think memory loss is one of them though!

Anyway, why bother to try and get a good night's sleep if...say,
you don't fall asleep until 2-3 o'clock in the morning and then maybe your kid comes home and upstairs at about oh, 4:30am and then, oh, you start to doze off and your hubby's alarm clock goes off and he's the kinda guy that likes to hit
the "snooze" button 4-5 times.... In between his snoozing somebody might be snoring and that wakes you up too! But maybe he wasn't the one snoring...hmm

Ahh, then he gets up and it starts to rain! what a great sound...lulling, soothing, relaxing and just when you are in that sweet, sweet rhythm...it stops!

Now we have dead silence... Come On! how am I supposed to get any rest with the "sounds of silence"?
  Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again.......my thoughts, my flights of fancy, my grocery list,
my to-do list are all traipsing (is that a real word?) through my mind and they are louder than the firecrackers from last night!


OK, let's see...count backwards from 100 by threes and that will help me doze off...what moron came up with that one? must have been from one of those crazy women's magazines!....la,la,la, aah....now what the? the frikkin dog is barking! and barking! Is she just being stupid or is there really a concern downstairs? Wait 'til I find that shock collar, she will be living in it 24-7... She did wake us up once when we didn't hear a fire alarm going off and there have been a lot of robberies in this part of town, lately.... Son of a ....guess I'll go down and check it out.....

So, nothing, nothing! and she's hiding in her cage; coward! She's barking at the dogs next door, for crying out loud! Geez! Well, while I am down here, guess I'll get a cup of coffee and turn on the radio...."Aww, the night before" yeah wish I woulda got some sleep the night before...I gotta get up in a few hours and hang out with a two year old all day, after all, it's my day off...

Guess I'll try to catch a few zzz's.....g'nite....wonder if I should take my sleeping pill?....maybe I shouldn't have had those 2 cups of coffee....maybe the baby will sleep in and then I could sleep, too...guess I could take a nap later, I really like naps....why can't I turn off my thoughts???? zzzzzzzzz

But the visions softly creeping, left it's seeds while I was sleeping...

I Got The Music in Me!

Happy Fourth of July!

 

Great Day to think about the past...the days when we had picnics in the backyard and family and friends and swimming pools and watermelons and cold soda and beer! And we always had hot dogs and hamburgers. Not much has changed in the menu, but lotsa other things have changed...

I promised myself to keep it light in my writing ventures, so I was thinking about the past, nothing political, merely sentimental! Watching The Glenn Miller Story this morning made me think of the way my grandparents always made music an important part of their lives...
a "sentimental journey" if you will...

Our memories play tricks on us as we grow older and we can't remember names, places, dates, not even why we walked into the next room, but we remember music! where we were, who was with us, the words to the whole song, practically! Why is this? I dunno, but I have to say that my
"heart strings" pull and tug every time I hear a song that my grandpa loved on "The Lawrence Welk
Show" or my grandma played a song or Christmas Carol on the piano. My dad played the same serenade Tangerine, on his organ time and again. My mom played Patsy Cline and Eddy Arnold ;

 talk about being country when "country wasn't cool"

My brother played the drums and my sister played the clarinet and I played the most eclectic instrument of all time! the radio! and I must say, to this day, I am still pretty good at it!
I haven't missed a beat!

Growing up in the sixties was awesome with Rick Shaw and WQAM blasting through every room in the house. Music was free and we had a song for every event or mood in our lives. We had dances on Friday nights and we walked miles through the neighborhoods to get to Sonny's for pizza or steak hoagies and then home. We had our portable radios with us too...they were called "transistors"

And where were you when The Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan Show? I was at home in front of the black and white TV, falling in love with Paul McCartney, just like a million others. And the love affair has never ended with their music...

So on this day of celebrations, take the time to think about the music you are listening to and the memories that you connect them to and I dare you to tell me that you don't shed a tear or two when you do remember. Whether it be your grandparents music, your parent's music, your music, your kids music or your grand kids music, it is all so very burned into the memory banks of our minds...Go ahead and make a "withdrawal" but don't forget to leave room for new "deposits" along the way!

One more thing, turn on the oldies, but goodies! Have your kids listen to your stuff and you will have raised them right and "taught them well" and they will be able to have conversations with any and all generations with a common thread, Music!

I sign off singing along to The Cyrkle from 1966:

It's a Turn Down Day  and I dig it!

Breakfast anyone?

Could hardly wait for a new day to blog again...ahhh, something to live for!...anyhow, let's talk about why I named my blog Breakfast with Beatles and Bobby the Dee and just get this out of the way, shall we?

The way I see it, I am a child of the 60's,even if I may have slipped and put the incorrect year of my birth somewhere...so what? age is just a number, and besides, I am 50 ish in my skin, but I am really 17 in my heart and that is where it really counts,eh? So, any "old hippie" worth his peace sign knows that the Beatles started all this wondrous,magical,generation-crossing, LSD influenced music that will never die. So why not start the day with them everyday, instead of once a week, like some people do?

And bobby the dee was actually supposed to be Bobby and Dee, but as I typed it in, my mind was wandering and I hit enter and ta-da! there it was, so it's staying...it is an official address with an http and everything, cool, huh? But I am losing the point, this refers to two BFFs from the sixties and they knew me then and when and they inspire me to this day...



I have another friend who gave me the idea to write. Nancy said to write a column! How awesome would that be and who would hire me and what would I write about? well, no one will hire an unknown writer! and I want to write about whatever I want, which is what is so frikkin fabulous about a blog! I will just put my thoughts out there "across the universe"

Now I also needed a common thread for all this blog, blog, blog, so I am the "watcher" Get it right, though, I am NOT a voyeur!.... I simply do not participate, I watch...there must be some kinda usefulness in this ailment, so let's just see about this..and see what happens...after all, I have always been a writer...I have poems and stories stuffed here and there...some dark, some spiritual, some humorous, some for children...some embarrassing, so "stuffed" they will remain and I will use my words and find new stories and reminisce about some old stories.

Feeling good was good enough for me, good enough for me and my Bobby McGee...

Try, try again

I have a laptop with a mind of it's own...this is my third try to post my first post! Perhaps she wants a name too, so henceforth she, the laptop that is, shall be called Miss Dell. And so "Blog-crew" as you all out there in "Blog-land" will be called, if and when, there are stops and starts in these postings ,I shall blame them all on Miss Dell. She is eerie and weird and unpredictable, like the night and yet a very part of me.

And so without further whatever, I will begin...First of all, I am not claiming I am seeing people or that I am split into several personalities. I am merely speaking for characters that I have created or met or melted into different personas, so if I "become" someone else, it is intended. I have a sound mind! And it has been examined time and again without incident! Including MRIs and CT scans!

And so as someone famous in history once wrote "I shall return"

I am going to WATCH a movie!

I shall report back later...

Oh Bla dee,oh Blog da, life goes on

P.S. I have decided to end each blog with either lyrics or a title to a song that has some meaning to me: Why? Because I can and because I want to , thats why...