Ho,ho,ho

Merry Christmas! It's almost here and Happy New Year too! I need to get my butt out of bed and finish up, but I am agitated. The phone rang at 8:00 and if you follow my blogs, you know I ranted on about people waking me up! "Are you talkin to me?" So I am in "paralysis mode" or what I like to call PM! It is dangerously close to PMS now,isn't it? And we don't want any 'flashbacks' to those years now, do we? Well, maybe just for fun, I WILL blog about the PMS years! I will make a "mental" note of it for the future...hmm So here's the thing...what the hell is wrong with people? Is there no  Christmas spirit left any where???                                              

Why are people so dang self centered and stupid? My daughter is a server at Hard Rock and she stayed late to wait on a table and the guy had a stack of $25 chips and he had a tab of $90 and he gave her SIX freakin dollars! WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? We always leave 5-6 bucks on a $20-30 breakfast tab! Twenty percent of 90=18, you A-hole! YOU SHOULDA LEFT $18-20, not SIX! Now, my girl is no pushover, but she is a single mom and when she told me this, I was livid! How she remained calm is beyond me! Here's what I woulda done: I woulda gone"New Jersey Housewife" on his ass and "Teresa tipped" the table at him, yelled a few choice words and walked out! I hope that guy loses "his shirt" and his house and his car and everything to gambling! No, I take that back, cause it's Christmas and I don't want to lower myself and be mean to him...So here's my New Years wish for him: I hope he gets a "brand new job" as a WAITER in 2011 and he can experience first hand the joys of the service industry "My lips to God's ears!!! My real new Years wish is this: that both my daughters find happiness and good health and good fortune doing jobs they love. I would wish them to find true love,but I am convinced that there are no more good guys out there...there is an entire generation of morons who "think" they are men and they are not good enough for my girls-better to be alone than with an idiot! Sorry girls, Mom's gotta tell ya this, but "there ain't NO white horse riding, Matthew McConaughy lookin knight in shining armor, real men out there anymore! I hope I am wrong, I challenge the universe to prove me wrong! WHERE are the Good Guys? All I want for Christmas is some hope that real men still exist and still do the right thing and he can "start" by tipping his server at least 20%...

You' re so vain, you probably think this song is about you...

Here comes CHRISTmas!

Five days until Christmas...wow! It comes faster every year and I hear myself saying "Grinch-like stuff" like "I hate Christmas" Why? Because it is too stressful and expensive and fattening! Yes! that is the worst...5 lbs for each holiday season adds up to 200 lbs in the last 40 years! WHAT? I WONDER...WHERE is Christmas? like the song the Whoville kids sang.What really makes it special ? and I realize that it is in the wonder of a child...that is where Christmas is...in the eyes of a child who still believes...the magic is there. I think everyone has a favorite Christmas as a 'child who believes' and mine is the year that I found out that there was no Santa...I was in second or third grade and I remember my grandparents coming over so late on Christmas eve and they said that Santa had to drop some stuff off at their house because he was so busy...hmm, I could swear I heard sleigh bells on the roof that night! Suspicious as I was, I chose to believe...it's like believing in Jesus...you have nothing to lose if you believe in Him and everything to gain if He is who he says He is...Santa was , to my childlike eyes, just like that, besides, at that point, Jesus was just a little baby that was born on Christmas! and He was so special that the whole world got to celebrate. Back to that night...I think I stared at the ceiling all night long and could not wait to get up! And maybe it was just a coincidence that my dad had a few good hauls in his job as a trucker, and that my mom was working as a waitress at a bowling alley and that we were living in a brand NEW house, BUT, it was awesome! I got a Barbie, a real one, with red hair and a "bubble" hair cut and a black and white striped bathing suit. And my grandpa made a "wardrobe" and it was full of Barbie clothes that my mom had sewn. There was even a real fur stole! Jackpot! I was happier than Ralphie in A Christmas Story! I was Ralphie! the female version! My sister ,of course, got the same, a Barbie too and we had to share the clothes but I didn't even care! now my memory becomes blurry here, but I think this is the very same Christmas that my brother got a brand new shiny red bike, much better than a BB gun any day! No danger there...he couldn't" shoot any body's eye out" And, my siblings will correct me if I am wrong, but I believe my sister got a life size Pollyanna doll with long blond hair! She looked just like Hayley Mills, my favorite actress! And she walked too! If you guided her and held both hands,of course! Now I was not forgotten, I too, had a life-size doll...she wasn't Pollyanna,though...she didn't even have a name and she had brown,fuzzy,short hair...Now "bubble" cuts were awesome on Barbie, but downright weird and gross and disgusting on a huge, clunky doll who's leg kept falling off! I got not only the best present of all, but the worst present of all. And I have "carried the scar of this for the rest of my life" as Candice Bergen would say! Whoa! And the best Christmas became the worst for my brother because his bike got stolen soon after, and he too, 'carries that scar' My sister, although, had a Barbie and a Pollyanna! BUT looking back, she deserved the best Christmas because she had earned it. She was a little fourth grader who took care of all of us! We did not have babysitters in the 50's and 60's. We became little adults and I was the "baby" so I got to be a kid for a couple more years anyway. Meanwhile my sister was making lunches and my brother was watching out and protecting us. Where were my parents??? Working, I guess... Christmas day ended with dinner at Me ma and Papa's. They added a "card table" next to the dining room table for the kids and we all ate dinner together...All I could think about was my Barbie...and the fuzzy haired clunker? she was in a corner near the Christmas tree, unappreciated and forgotten already...I never even gave her a name.

All seem to say throw cares away

Margaret! Margaret!

When my grandma was in a nursing home losing her dignity in the last years of her life,she used to call out for "Margaret!" None of us knew who Margaret was...She was 92 and she lost a lot of weight and a lot of herself within a few short years.. She did not have Alzheimer's, she was too old. She had something we used to call organic brain syndrome and we now call dementia...they are both ugly reminders of what getting old is going to do to us, most of us anyway-we cannot all have the grace and good fortune of Betty White. Grandma was not Marie anymore,she was a shell of someone we once knew and loved,even if she was a scary, old German woman, who just happened to be our Me-Ma.

Why did we let them "bully" us into the things we did when it came to her? There are things I will do different when I am old. I will NOT let my grandchildren decide because my own children don't know what to do or care enough to talk to me about it before I lose myself. My children deserve to feel the guilt of making the wrong choices, if they do, not my grandchildren. I want to be dropped off to any halfway decent old folks home, when I lose "me" and they can tell them that my name is "Margaret Jones" and then they should run, not walk away, run and never come back...I won't know who they are anyway, will I? I won't know "Jack or Jill" will I? so I won't know the difference. If I am in my right mind, then they can still drop me off somewhere and I will not piss and moan and whine about how awful my life is...I will appreciate" three hots and a cot" and be happy that I am not working and that I am actually retired.

 I will be happy and proud for my children and grandchildren and not guilt them into visiting me. If they don't come willingly, then I don't deserve them to come at all. In other words, I don't want to be a "beast of burden" Death must be better than being old and miserable and I would choose death. I will have a stash of sleepers and a box of wine stored away somewhere for the occasion of my passing if need be. I have specific things I want done to celebrate my life, not mourn my death...I have a book of instructions and I want it to be respected, but only if I have respected those who will want to celebrate me. I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of losing me, like my grandma, and becoming a ghost of who I really am.

Let me go when I am done and not one moment sooner, Dear God, I pray...but let me go before I turn into Margaret Jones, for my children's sake...The mind is a terrible thing to lose, but I am willing to give up my mind, but not my memory... I have so much more to say and I don't care if I am ever published or paid much attention to by anyone else...I do care that I was loved by someone and meant something to someone...

you can look back and say, "you did okay" you were loved...

Okie,McSmokie Skiddly do!

I cannot believe I have not written in over a month! Where have I been? in a fog? in a slump? asleep? in a crisis? in Georgia? ALL of the above! And no wonder! I have NOT "been to therapy" and MY therapy is blogging! Now I have seen movies about "blogging" and that is where I got this idea in the first place,so why can I not be consistent??? I dunno...in the movies,it's all so different...and in the movies they get a "payoff" for blogging! What is MY payoff? Hmmm...a payoff...wow...I "only wish" I could blog for dollars! Wow, I really DO need therapy!

Would that I could have a job that challenged my mind and my creativity and my very soul! AND that did not have a high cost when mistakes were made...How could mere words cause such stress? How can you make mistakes when you write from the heart? How could I EVER be wrong? And that is WHY my dream will never come true...there is no perfect blog job! It would eventually become something to dread and then I would get "writer's block" and have no topic to write about unless! Unless I had the perfect readers and they would give me topics to write about! THAT would be awesome! It would of course, be "my" take on the topic and AGAIN, HOW could I be wrong??? Oh how I wish upon a star for my thoughts, like pen to paper and "Words to Windows" be something that people would actually read! Heck, I go to bed late and wake up early with my mind racing anyway,why not put this "race" to a finish and DO something with this crazy energy? Well until the day that I "win the lottery" for creative writing, I will just blog a little here, blog a little there, get down tonight! Signing off for this post, "only the shadow knows" when I shall blog again...hopefully the "blog gods" will be with me and guide me through until reality sets in and I realize that perhaps I am NOT a writer at all or that perhaps...I AM! Oh, and my title? Somebody got "paid" to write THAT...It's from a Geico commercial! WOW!

When you wish upon a star, all your dreams will come true

To be or not to be?

When I was two I had an NDE...near death experience, yep, I sure did. Complete with me "watching"my little 2 yr old body being "worked on" in the ER... I drank mineral spirits in a "coca cola" bottle and tried to "meet my maker" early, too early. I was then put in a crib in a hallway of all places, with what I swear was "chicken wire" on top to keep me from climbing out!

I guess you could say I had an angel on my shoulder from the beginning. I always felt "different" always...that is a common thread among NDE's. I wasn't looking for the light that I remember because I didn't know I should be...Somebody up there must have liked me.

When I was 13, I made a friend in Jesus...it seemed quite natural. Me and Dee were 'baptized' on the same Sunday at the local Baptist church. And so began a religious journey that would be trimmed with a hefty side of "guilt" that I brought on myself-Baptists were very subtle about that, and besides,we could NEVER match the guilt of Jews and Catholics. I knew that I knew that Jesus was "it" He bought my ticket to heaven. The Doobie Brothers said it :"Jesus is just all right with me" and I am sure that I am "going off to the spirit in the sky" someday in the far, far future.

So, me and Dee (Yes she IS the Dee in the title of my blog) started going to church every Sunday.That is what you DID in the sixties! Of course, we didn't "mind" if we sat with a cute boy or two, while we were there, either! ( Enter Bobby, the "other" friend in my title) Bobby was the "son of the preacher man" really! A surfer, too and he had some mighty cute friends too...I am sure that Dee and I "dated" each and every one of them, if even it was just one date. Except I did NOT date Bobby...he was too special, he was my first "boy" friend! Sounds funny,huh? But true...

Back in that day, girls and boys were not platonic friends. Oh no! And When Harry Met Sally was even written yet! Dee was and still is my first BFF, except of course, my sister. I got her when I was born...she was waiting for me, just a year and one week older than me. We were and still are inseparable. We dated brothers and even married brothers and have lived next door to each other our WHOLE lives! Whew! That's a whole other episode! Incidentally, she is the one who crawled way up on the shelf and said "I'll get it!" and gave me the poison coca cola! Hmm, maybe she was my built in best friend, but was I hers? We will never know...she admits no guilt! (we're Baptists, remember?)

Back to Dee! She and Bobby dated, dated! I think he was her first true love...and they were my role models. I wanted that! I dreamed about it and I tried so hard to have a first true love, but I think I just imagined that I did! Well, Bobby and Dee were my best friends and they fixed me up with a 'kid' who 'liked' me..."Why don't you "like" him? He "likes" you!" Well, that was his first mistake, liking me first and admitting it. But, even though he was shorter than me (they were ALL shorter than me!) he was kinda cute and sweet and a surfer,too, so I tried to like him, but it didn't work...he overwhelmed me...maybe he could 'sense' how different and special I really was- remember, I had an NDE! or I could 'sense' how special I was but it was like wearing two different shoes. They look alike, they are both flats ( I could never wear heels!)and no one would really notice, but one shoe was black and the other one was navy-they just didn't go together! And besides, his mother rode a broom! And "that's ALL I have to say about that!" to quote Forrest Gump!

So, there were two, ok three, other cute, short surfer boys that I had "crushes" on. The first two were absolutely adorable and sweet, but alas, neither one "liked me like that" They liked me like a friend -Crap!( the third one was actually taller than me, but of course, he already had a girlfriend and he moved away to Ohio or someplace romantic like that) I remember kissing him 'goodbye' on my porch, very innocent and wonderful and sweet because he was taller than me! Wow, that's what I wanted, a tall, cute, surfer guy! A few short years later, I married my very own, tall, cute, surfer guy...sigh...just like in the movies, huh? Heck no, but what can I tell you? I had a poster of Romeo and Juliet on my bedroom wall and I took Shakespeare in high school! I was smitten with the very idea of romance and true love!

I even 'tried out' the football player as a boyfriend and yes, he was even shorter than me! He was generous to a fault ( I found out later that he didn't exactly 'pay' for the things he brought to me...a TV, a vacuum cleaner, stuff like that) and he had a wandering eye, as did I! So we BOTH dated other people! In truth, I don't think we ever DID officially break up! If I ever see him again, I guess I will have to clarify this...Also, during this time, I was totally in love with the devil himself! He was off-limits, no way would I ever get to date this handsome, tall, dangerous,older man! Why? because he was my brother's friend, that's why! Taboo! I kinda remember, there was some flirting and he was drinking (he was always drinking!) and my brother, slightly sloshed himself, sorta pushed him into the wall, and it wasn't drywall, it was cement and maybe it's my special magical memory, but for years to come, there was a slight indent or impression of 'his' buttocks in the wall...hmm...unrequited Romeo and Juliet crap again!

And so, during my "Shakespearean" years, as I like to call them, my BFF's, Bobby and Dee were there through all or most of it...Who knew, that Bobby was on the road to a life with Shakespeare himself or that I would marry my own, sweet William? or that Dee would find another Romeo, in another land? She moved away to small town USA and I was crushed with grief and had only my friend Bobby or that's how I felt, anyway!

Alas and alack (is that even a word?) I found my prince and climbed down from the tree and lived "happily ever after"

THE END.

P.S. The identities have been changed to protect the "guilty"

I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

Special Delivery

Is it wrong to be proud? Cause I am! not so much of me and what I have done (maybe a few things) How can I help but feel pride when I see the talents of my children and grandchildren? Because of me, "they" are here on this planet...a fact that sometimes scares the hell out of me...I put them here just by carrying them and then "delivering" them here...

Because of You by Reba is a a very poignant song...I am afraid. This was how I grew up. I did not raise my children this way "because" I did not want them to be afraid and I am the proudest of that. They take risks and make changes because that is what is best for them. They have their own minds and they make up their own minds to do whatever it is they do.



My oldest is an amazing woman today. She is beautiful, inside and out and has a gift to make anyone she meets her friend. She has the most incredible voice I have ever heard. When she was little-10 or 12, I guess, she used to sing "I know I'll never love this way again, so I keep holding on until the good is gone, I know..." Dionne Warwick, one of the best, and my kid belted it out just like her. I can say that I "introduced" her to Dionne and many, many more, but I had no part in that singing ability! I only "dreamed" I could be a singer and then I just wanted to be a "background" singer, not the star. She is a star and we don't need American Idol or America's got Talent to prove it. No matter where she sings, people love her, because she is so natural up there. And I "delivered" her to all of you.

My youngest is awesome. She is a wondrous creature who is loved by all who know her. She will keep you at a distance, she is no fool, but if you are lucky enough to have her let you in then you are special indeed. Now this girl can dance! She has always been a "mover" and I love to watch her. She likes to move it, move it...I again had no part in this talent, except again, the "dream" to be a go-go dancer on Hullabaloo in the sixties.



I got up on some kind of platform once at a high school dance in my mini dress and wonder to this day "what was I thinking?" I didn't even do drugs then...What gave me that courage? I say courage because to dance when every body's watching does take guts...What if they laugh? or make faces? Well, my kid says "who cares? just move and have fun" To have that abandon must be so freeing! And I "delivered" her to all of you...

The Arts...to have any ounce of artistry in you at all is a gift. Are we born with it? Do we inherit it? Do we "learn" it? Can we just "conjure it up" on demand? I dunno, am I an "artist" because I am a writer? I hope so!

I can't wait to see what appears in my grandchildren! They are both amazingly photogenic and the camera loves them. And I only "dreamed" of being a model when I was young. They may never become professional singers and dancers and models, but they ARE singers and dancers and models! Did my dreams come true in them? Absolutely! Am I proud? You bet! And I delivered each of them to you, special delivery! You are welcome, World!

All I have to do is dream,dream,dream...

911

Can I be a serious journalist? I dunno...It being September 11 and all, it's a good day to try it out... I would never be a smart ass or wise guy on a day like this. It is somber,indeed.

Where were you that day? I remember I was working , as a nurse, taking care of moms and babies in a busy hospital. I glanced at a TV and saw what looked like a movie scene-a plane plowing right through the Twin Towers. "What the heck?" The patient's husband told me what was happening and I tried to 'blow it off' and distract them and me with their precious newborn. It worked for a minute.

I left the room and saw my co-worker in a panic. Her cousin works in the Twin Towers and she can't get through there to talk to anybody, anywhere in NYC. "What happened?" I asked and then the worst happened when someone came running out and said they just hit the other tower with another plane! Dear God...

I felt weird, numb and scared and ran for the kitchen to get some ice. And I lost it...I prayed and cried...Is this it? Is this the beginning of the end? I cried because I thought my children and grandchildren and these newborn babies right here had NO future on this earth...I was so frightened and alone and nervous there that day. Is that what they wanted? I made some coffee because it gave me something to "do" and then wiped my face with a paper towel and went back to work.

I kinda turned off the TV in a room where a new mom and her baby were all alone...Why spoil her moments and she was oblivious to all at that moment anyway...I went back to the first room and they were all glued to the TV set and upset. I tried to think of some encouraging and hopeful words, but I had none, so I checked mom and baby and they were OK...I did my job.

By this time, there was a TV on wheels in the nurses station and I sat down for the first time. I felt like lead, wondering if I would even be able to get up when I had to. Is this for real? It looks surreal and they keep replaying over and over. Are those really people jumping out of the building? What kind of EVIL could have done this? And WHY?

It was truly the most awful day and I didn't even call my family to see if they saw or heard...I just stayed there, on the job and finished the day and watched the replay each time I went to the nurses station and then after 12 long hours, I finally went home.

Home didn't feel so safe anymore. We were also glued to the TV set just trying to wrap our brains around what really happened...And we all felt helpless. The newscasters were so calm, just doing their jobs, I guess. To this day, 9-11-2010, nine years later, I can't get my brain around any of it. I can only empathize with those who were directly affected by it. It changed the USA that day.

I can only spend this day remembering and respecting those people. My heart breaks for them all, heroes all, they gave their lives all, for us all...Never forget, I know I never will. God bless us all and Let Freedom Ring!

And I won't forget the men who died and gave that right to me...

Are you talkin to me?

OK! I am gonna tell the WHOLE world for the first and LAST time!!! My name is NOT Mary and NOT Maria! I have a sister named Maria and we don't even call HER Maria, we call her Ria...My name is Marie...Normally I answer to just about anything including "Joy" or Cheryl (my other sister's name) or "Nurse" or Mrs. so and so... Heck, You can even call me Weezy or Ree or Weezyree (only,of course if we are friends).

I am usually pretty cool, calm and collected, but this is a warning, because I fear I have turned into one of my most beloved movie characters in Steel Magnolias: not sweet M-lynn, although, there was a time I was called "Sweet Marie" And I am not even close to my precious Truvy, who I have 'modeled' my alter ego, "Henna Bouffant" after. No, I am "Weezer" the crabby ole broad, that says "I'm sweet, I've just been in a very bad mood for many years"She is a bitch on wheels walking a dog and I have been trying hard to keep her under wraps, but she is 'out of the closet' now!

Maybe it was the card a co-worker gave me last night...The front said "Jesus loves You" and when I opened it up, it said "Everyone else thinks you are an ass____!"

Well, then...it wasn't really directed at me, it was just being 'shown' to me and I DID say something 'ugly' about handing it back out to someone who knocks at your door at dinnertime...and then I decided to just throw it in the trash, because it WAS ugly... I just hope and pray that some sweet little ole lady or man in environmental services who really loves Jesus does NOT open it up!

Anyway, enter Weezer; she is the worst of me and she usually 'gets crazy' on the telephone! Don't call my house and act dumb and rude! If you have 'business' with me ,THEN I think you should say my name correctly and don't get friendly unless I say you can get friendly! I happen to work at a job that requires multiple phone calls. Sometimes I make the calls and sometimes I receive them. I am required to be polite at all times, and I actually am very good at being polite at all times. I may 'mumble' some comment after I hang up..."idiot" and even "jackass" come to mind, BUT, I am always polite on the phone!

What happened to manners? Do you know you can "hear" a smile over the phone? Oh yes, yes you can! I hear it every single time I talk to Tom or Bill or Sandra or Kim or...the list goes on and on. I can also "hear" RUDE or someone rolling their eyes...Don't get rude or crazy! Bon Qui Qui (another one of my favorite characters from Mad TV) is a "made up" person and she IS all of those rude and crazy people who 'annoy' HER wrapped up into one! ("Securidy!")

So again, if you call me...Make sure it is at a decent hour! I will NOT be responsible for what I say to anyone who wakes me up or interrupts dinner! Ask for me by my correct name and then state your business in a polite tone, and it wouldn't hurt to 'smile' now would it? OK, now we can talk...Don't make me call out Weezer!

Call me, don't be afraid, you can call me.

I was robbed...

South Florida is a place for different cultures.....You name it, it's here and probably on your block, too. Hispanic culture would be the majority but there are many flavors of it; Cuban, Puerto Rican, Costa Rican, Peruvian, etc. Indian-Seminole and Miccousoukee are evident as well as German, Irish, Lebanese, Portugese, Polish, Italian, African-American and South African. And then there is Indian, Pakistani and Phillipino and we could never forget the islands! Jamaica, Bahamas, Trinidad and my personal favorite:Turks Caico Islands. Haiti is the other half of the Dominican Republic; I always found that fascinating, wondering when and where Creole ended and Spanish started...

Culture is a wonderful thing but I have no culture: none, nada, nothing! My mother's family was predominantly German, but I don't even have a recipe for potato salad or any kind of cabbage dish, nothing...I suspect that some of the ancestors were also Jewish, but again, no recipes, NO traditions passed on...My father's family were apparently "mutts" Irish, English? Scottish? and American Indian? My dad again, passed on NO culture or tradition or evidence of either.

We like to "pretend"we are Irish through and through on St Patty's day! We go to the parade, wear green, eat Irish food and drink beer and have a grand time of it,we do! We would 'kiss a blarney stone' for sure if ya placed one close by. But do we have Irish linen in our homes and Irish prayers on plaques on the walls? No, no we don't. Do our kids take Irish Step classes? Nope!

We are not even Catholic...my cousins and half siblings are at least Catholic...! We have no religion that is rich in tradition to pass on and fuss about.We are protestants without culture. We have nothing to pass on, except perhaps a few hymns; "Just as I am without One Plea, The Old Rugged Cross...We are as "white bread" as you can get! My husband's family is the very same! Somehow, some people came over on the Mayflower and forgot who their "PEOPLE" were.

And now our children are having children with people of culture and I am sad that we have nothing to add and I am glad that they have something to relate to. Ireland and Puerto Rico would be wonderful places to travel to with my grandchildren and I can only dream of going to both places someday...

What do I pass on? I could cry and say "Woe is me" but I can only hope that my children and grandchildren feel that they, at the very least, have a culture of love and acceptance and humor and creativity.

My daughter and I have a "tradition" of watching and enjoying movies that are absolutely rich with culture and tradition. Some of our favorites are; Tortilla Soup, Nothing like the Holidays, This Christmas, Guess Who, Mystic Pizza, Return to Me, Love Actually, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Brothers McMullen, Dim Sung Funeral and Death at a Funeral to name a few...They all have a common thread-family, love and "home"

I guess if I have given a sense of "home" to my own family, then the love we share on holidays and other days will be tradition enough. And if our culture is to embrace others and include others into our lives as friends, then that is culture enough. I have always said "Blood does not make families, love does" And so if you have become a part of our family and we steal a recipe or two or go to a different kind of church with you or even wear green, or dance a salsa with you, then we are rich in so much more than culture or tradition, we are rich in love and friendship...

I'm coming home to the place where I belong, where your love has always been enough for me

Drug of Choice is...

Recently made a comment that I was out of gas, Running on Empty. I am about to chase Forrest Gump across the US of A just to get my mojo back! It disappeared one night a few weeks ago. Just happens to coincide with when I stopped blogging... Maybe my mojo IS blogging...

Just have not felt what we in the medical profession call "well" What was supposed to be wonderful and amazing-getting a new smile-went haywire...And then it was the addiction to something so benign... and yet malicious in the end! A druggist's dream, a toothaches' "Romeo"and I was calling out for ROMEO in my sleep! OR, WAIT! Was it Motrin I was calling for???

Motrin, advil, ibuprofen, whatever 'street' name you wanna call it...it is addicting! Another misguided woman I work with, searching for her smile, was trying to 'score' some the other day at the office. I hesitated, not wanting to share my goods with her, but then I began thinking of PAIN, our real arch enemy,and I gave in, and mumbled "Yeah, yeah, I have some, but it's just generic" Hoping that "generic" would dissuade her from taking any of my precious stash, but knowing too, by the look on her face that she,too, was on the road to The Big M Addiction.

What is it about DENTAL PAIN that only Motrin can relieve? It's a top held secret that only organizations like the FDA or DEA or FBI or even the CIA really know about! If word got out on the street, how effective this drug is, then the WHOLE economy would CRASH! Think I am kidding?

If people addicted to narcotics (due to pain issues) knew, that they could go to CVS or Walgreens and actually cop this stuff OTC! (over the counter) THEN! Then they wouldn't have to go to their PCP's (primary care physicians) and pay a co-pay and then get an Rx (prescription) and pay another co-pay and get the good stuff. BUT! and it's a BIG BUTT! (huh?) Anyway, the secret is this: Motrin alone, takes away DENTAL PAIN! you say "so what?" I'll tell ya what! Let me ask you! WHAT is the WORST pain you have ever endured????

OK, forget LABOR!, we ALL know that Labor is the Mother of All PAIN! And for all you guys ( and some girls) who just 'might' be reading, I'm gonna give you this: Kidney Stones, okay? (hardly worth capitalizing the letters for, right?) ALL other pain is curable without narcotic relief! Whoops, thought of one more: Hemorrhoids! Maybe that is why the Big Butt thought popped into my brain, butt anyway...God nor man has not now or EVER come up with a cure for what most people commonly refer to as a "pain in the ass" because we all know that most of these pains are people,not hemorrhoids! So that leaves Dental Pain taking First Prize!

SO! Next time PAIN comes knocking at your door or punches you in the mouth or tries to "birth" itself out of your body or into your body( wait a second! those DO call for the IV drugs: You're gonna need a doctor for this stuff!) Well, you get the picture! Just run yourself up the street and hook up with your local drug ( I was not gonna say "dealer" of course!) store! BUTT! Stay away from my 'turf' and stay in your own 'hood, cause MY CVS better never be out of the Big M!
I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through, Looking into their eyes, I see them running too...

Just itchin to tell you...

I can’t figure out what I am allergic to…I have hives that keep coming and going…It started about a week and a half ago. My whole torso was covered! And when you are plus-sized like me, we are talking a LOT of square footage. I am "itching to get out of" this predicament, pardon the pun…

I asked myself all the typical questions; Did I eat something different? Nope, don’t think so, I’m not exactly adventurous when it comes to food-meat and potatoes, please! And of course all the fixins; corn, gravy, sweet ice tea and key lime pie for dessert…I DID drink some Peach wine from the great state of Georgia, and I cut up a fresh Georgia peach to drop in the glass…Talk about dessert! Ya know there are preservatives in wine…hmm…Oh Dear God…I can’t be allergic to wine! My life is over if there be no sip yet left from the vine, which thou art made of! Geez, guess I will stop the Shakespeare stuff and all the “whining about wine” Although, I would like a little cheese with that…Never Mind!

Next question; Is this gonna take awhile? Is this gonna be longer than an F-cat test? Is this really gonna help me find the allergy culprit? Final answer to all three: “Maybe, definitely maybe”

Now I DID sit at someone else’s desk last week, but I don’t think she has any communicable diseases. Nothing like that showed up on her profile, anyway. She has no criminal record and she got pretty good grades in college and she was married and divorced twice to the same guy…Oops! Forgot what I was trying to get to! There is absolutely no reason whatsoever that I need to bring in an FBI profiler! And yet they DO have connections to people who investigate forensic evidence! I wonder if there is a way I could ‘sneak’ that chair out of the office…Hmmm…

Oh, the drama! I will save it for my mama! And she does not have any allergies except for iodine- that’s it! There must have been some iodine in the laundry soap, or the wine, or the chair or the, the, the…Aww, just forget it! I will never figure it out until I go to say, some kinda expert in allergies like perhaps, an allergist…Some of them are even doctors!

Guess I will just glob on some cortisone cream, take some Benadryl, make an appointment and call it a day, cause the Benadryl is gonna knock me out for a few hours!

Just itchin-twitchin-itchin for a break

A new day, a new dawn...

"It just wasn't meant to be" What does that mean? I was wishing that I could recall every time that was either said to me or that I said it to someone else! I imagine all those recollections could fill an entire book and I would be a best-selling author today instead of a blogger! But... I guess "it just wasn't meant to be"

Does this statement have something to do with God? I mean, are we gonna blame HIM again? Or did some oxymoron come up with this? You could potentially make this statement about almost any and ALL situations in your life! "There is no creamer for the coffee in the frig!" Guess you were meant  to drink it black today or even worse, not drink it at all? "I didn't get a good parking space!" Guess you were "meant" to walk a city block to get to an appointment that could be cancelled if you were not on time, or even worse, find a space a little closer, only to have the car door scratched by some idiot next to you! "I didn't get a raise" How could this EVER not be meant to be, UNLESS, you were the world's worst slacker!

So why do we say this? And should we blame it on somebody, some thing or someone? Well, YES! let's just find out who this guy is! Is it someone who "forgot" to stop at the store and actually BUY creamer? Is it because someone did not give themselves enough time to get to their appointment OR if they did, was there a traffic jam, or even worse, an accident that caused this? And about that raise, were YOU a slacker or was your boss a blockhead?

But all this "meant to be" crap is MOST commonly used for stuff like: not getting to buy the new house or car that you really wanted for whatever reason...not having that really special guy or girl return your attentions...not getting a job you wanted...not winning the lottery...wait a minute! how did THAT get in there?...Because I TOLD you...it can be used for any and all situations, remember?

So I'm not gonna blame God...He takes the blame for too much stuff already! Hmm, Should I really blame myself? I had only good intentions and I am NOT a slacker, so...NO, I'm not taking the rap! Let me think now, I am close, I am gonna come up with something! OK, got it! The UNIVERSE! That's it! Sometimes "the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars"

So, another problem solved, just by blogging! Hey! Do you think "it was meant to be?" that I am here in this particular place in the universe so that I can figure out one simple statement and put everyone's queries to rest??? Hmmm, maybe I was just meant to be here....

And peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars...

Turn Down Day...

What do you do with feelings that just can’t be expressed? How do you respond? Especially when you have tried everything you can to make changes for the better in your life? How many hoops do you have to go through until you just throw in the towel and give up?

“Tears don’t help and words won’t do it” The tears are all dried up…if I had some, what would I do with them, anyway…I got ‘rid’ of them long ago and now they are few and far between… too bad.. sometimes they actually DO make you feel better…

So what do I do with the disappointment I have? Who do I blame? People in high places, with power over my life? Myself? I have already beat myself up a million times over my mistakes, so do I just keep on doing it? Or is it God? Do I dare to blame Him?

I read somewhere that God will “let you get boxed into a corner” sometimes so that when you finally DO get out, you will know that it is He who opened the door. Well, I have been ‘boxed in’ for quite awhile and am starting to think that the ONLY thing that will help me here is to lose some weight and make some space and just “settle in” cause it’s gonna be an even longer stay…I have done all I can to get out on my own but…nothing…I could try to drink myself out or eat myself out , but that NEVER works for any problem, EVER-it just makes the ‘box’ more crowded…I could sleep myself out...

I tried to ‘shop’myself out, but just kept wandering in the store until I picked out a pretty wooden apple that was inscribed with “Have Faith” I also found something practical…those crazy ‘dryer balls’ that actually work to fluff up your towels…but that doesn’t count-spending money on something stupid, that counts.

But my brain is too tired to aimlessly shop…I will need therapy, again…I will need to call one of my friends, who know me well and just go ahead and give them the “co-pay” and just “talk”myself out…but I know they would feel bad for me and that is not what I need…I need to “have Faith” and get out of this stupid box somehow, some way all by myself…

So did I buy the wooden apple? “Apple core, Baltimore, who’s your friend? Me!” An old saying I love to tell my kids and grandkids…Maybe I need to be my OWN friend…And stop lying to myself and others for starters…I put the apple back on the shelf, I don’t need some stupid, wooden apple to tell me what to do…I WILL “keep the faith” but not today, I’ll do it tomorrow…today I will find a “lid” and close the box in around me and just give in and give up…I am spent…

And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.

Time has slipped away...

Sometimes life is just too much...I look back and wonder where did the time go? and I look forward and see it coming fast and furious...does it keep getting faster or is it just me?

A baby is born and turn around, she is two! A child is going to middle school and a girl turned 'sweet sixteen' and I am talking about my grandchildren! When I think about my own kids, the time went slower...I thought they would never stop using pacifiers or wear diapers or walk or go to school. Summers dragged and vacations really lasted two weeks and school years always gave you time to prepare for what was coming next. "I'll do it tomorrow" really did give you 24 full hours to do whatever it was you "put off" You could squeeze in raising kids, going to college, working full time and running a household...there was just more time in 24 hours!

When kids become adults, it feels like someone stepped on the gas...Turn around and they are young girls with babes of their own...That darn Paul Anka! How did he know? How did he predict the future like that? I went to see him in concert and "he" looks the same and sounds the same! He must have found the 'fountain of youth' or built a time machine when he wrote that song...

Blink your eyes and you will be telling people "Oh I am 50-something!" or "Yes, I have been married 35+years" or "I have been working here 30-something years" I quit counting how many years for quite a few years now. Because I am getting "old?" Nope because I want time to slow down or just stop and let me take a breath, already!

Something must have really happened to the "space-time continuum" when Michael J. Fox went Back To the Future...So how do we steal back time? The only way we can! By getting up an hour earlier and writing a blog, that's how! Oh, were we talking about me? or you? You have to steal it from your very own sleep! Man! That's just wrong, but it is the only way to trick time!

And the other way is to remember, just "remember the times of your life" Stop making fun of people who love to take pictures and movies and write because they are literally 'capturing' time...

If I could turn back time, if I could find a way...

New Beginings

One of my AD's (adopted daughter) wished me new beginnings and she is so right! I have a new outlook since I started writing. It's as if I have a new child. I am excited to get up each day and I wake up earlier and earlier and sometimes even in the middle of the night just to feed "her". I say "her" because I am surrounded by estrogen in my life! Everyone and everything is a GIRL! Except my husband, of course!

I have two daughters and two, make that three grand daughters and a niece who truly is my third daughter and she even has a daughter and the dog is a girl-Phew! And my new car is a girl, I just haven't named her yet! She is my newest baby, the car, that is, and she arrived yesterday! One of my dearest friends had an arrival yesterday, too. She had a second grandson born on her birthday! Cool, huh? now talk about the opposite: She has a husband and three sons and two grandsons and is surrounded by testosterone! But we have so much in common because we both LOVE our sons and daughters so very much!

All ya need is love, the Beatles sang it and my baby G-girl (grand girl) even has a T-shirt with this written on it! Boys, Girls, who cares what they are "as long as they are healthy" a phrase I have heard hundreds of times in my life and line of work.....and this is the greatest wish or blessing you could have! I used to tell my first time parents after the baby was born and I put their newborn in their arms "Now, you are a family"

I am hopeful for some other new 'arrivals' in my life and they don't all have to be humans...new days are new arrivals...new friends are new arrivals...new vacations...You get the picture! even shedding weight could be a new arrival or would that be a departure! Yes, yes it would and that is a whole 'other' blog. Although, my daughter DID say that she is trying to get down to her original weight...6# 13oz'. Funny Girl! The apple don't fall too far from the tree, right?

So my adopted daughter is right! I am not too old for new beginnings. And her birthday is tomorrow! She is so precious to me because I hand picked her or did she pick me? Doesn't matter...I love her dearly. I have another AD who's birthday is coming up soon too! I think back and wonder what the real day was when I 'adopted' these two and then I think, again,it doesn't matter. We don't need a day to celebrate our special bond. It goes without saying that I also have several other adopted girls that come with being friends with my girls and now I am finding that my G-girl has some new additions too!

I am not sure if this is my quote or I stole it from somebody, but I always say "Blood does not make a family...Love does" And I have a huge family because I have many special sister-girl friends and I will speak of them again and again. After all, each and every one of these wonderful females in my life are all characters in my book of my life!

Love is all ya need, love is all ya need...

Grapes of wrath

We have a family home in wine country. I love to bring back Summer Wine, there's nothin like it! Made from Georgia Peaches, it is great cold with cut up cubes of peaches and a splash of 7up. It really is a dessert wine and most people like it or so they say.

It tastes the best when shared with a friend or loved one. My husband loves to buy it and give it away,but he rarely drinks it. In fact, I don't drink it myself unless I have a partner in crime....Why? because I will drink the whole dang bottle, that's why! Another reason, I am limited to the amount of wine I drink is the fact that my face turns so red, it looks like I used way too much blush...A dead giveaway that I have been hittin the bottle. Some kind of metabolite crap they use to preserve it, maybe they use it in blush, too! I really rarely drink, really! I think of it as a sort of passive sport that I engage in with very special people during special times: vacations, birthdays, weddings (a requirement!) holidays, lunch with my friends, breakfast, and of course, dinner! Again, I am kidding! Honestly, I couldn't get away with it if I tried. I do love the occasional mimosa or two for brunch though-Yummy!

Drinking is optional to me, I can take it or leave it and I am very picky! Beer: Corona with lime,please! or maybe Heineken. Liquor: Vodka (give me the "absolute" best you have) tonic with lime, please! Wine: Summer Wine with peaches,please! Who would have guessed? Champagne: the best Spumante or the only Spumante you have will do. Generics of this stuff are pretty darn tasty! And make it a mimosa with orange juice, please! Oh, one more! Shots: Make it a lemon drop shot with the good "wodka" again, please!

Seems to be a theme here-Fruit! limes, peaches, oranges, lemons! Wonder what that means...Who cares? I am getting vitamin C! Now that's my kind of fruit salad!

So, sounds like I like to throw back a few, a lot, huh? Naw, not really, I am a 'lightweight' when it comes to drinking! Wow, it's GREAT to be a 'lightweight' at something! Besides, all that alcohol doesn't always mix with my blood pressure medication! So next time you see me, if I have red cheeks, I have either had a couple, it only takes two! Or my blood pressure is up! Or I have dressed up like a clown for Halloween! Here's to your health! CHEERS!

Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine...

All I have to do is dream...

I've been dreaming...and it's just hanging on...I can't wake up! Do you ever feel you are half asleep? and still trying to "shake" it? I bought a book for just such occasions: 10,000 Dreams and Their Meaning. Now, who wrote this book, I don't know and how long does it take to figure out that many meanings? I mean how many years did it take and why do I even care anyway???

So, I keep it on the nightstand or in the bathroom, because when you wake up, it's easy to forget, imagine that! So what I do remember is this: I was actually in outer space and talking with my brother, a retired judge, on what was some kinda patio deck? And there were tupperware-like bins thrown all over the place and someone told me to check them out and see if any of the stuff was mine...?...Well, couldn't find any of my stuff, but there was a bunch of my grown daughter's underwear in a bin-thongs to be exact and freshly laundered. In the pile was also a diamond engagement ring "about 1 and a half carats" according to a space buddy who checked it out. In comes my daughter and she doesn't want any of it, including the diamond. (She always was a picky one) So I was just standing there with a clean thong in one hand and a diamond ring in another when I heard a bird chirping! Enter reality-real birds outside my real window "Time to get up"

I sit up and quickly grab the book before I forget and look up the topic "Space" and it says something like; You will soon be released from a confining situation  Wow! it actually makes a little sense this time, the statement, anyway...

Now I wonder...what situation? I do feel confined, after all, I am stuck in this plus-sized body and I really am quite a skinny person deep inside-Am I gonna lose a "ton" of weight? Or, am I gonna get a new job? My dream has always been to be a greeter at Wal-mart. But what I really want is to get a job at Barnes and Noble. Although, I am sure I would get fired quickly for "handling the merchandise." All they would find is a bunch of "dog-earred" books in the crime fiction aisle...

OR, is my daughter gonna finally take care of her laundry so I don't feel smothered ? (I have enough of my own in a big pile,thank you very much!) AND is she gonna get married and have someone else besides "Daddy" change her flat tires?

Wow, what's it gonna be? I choose what's behind Door #1! One "ton of weight" coming up and out the door please! The dream job, I will save for when I retire in 10 or so years. And my daughter? Well some dreams are meant to be dreamt of and not realized for years and years...but I can still dream,

 can't I?

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids...

On the road again

Been on vacation this past week and have not written on my blog and I am now in the car on the way home “hoping” that I can just copy and paste this later. Worth a try, right?

I spent time in Northeast Georgia where we have a “family home” We love to go there as often as we can. I like to go in Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. So the summer weather is HOT! We always go to Helen, Ga and I like to say we go to “Helen back” cuz it is scorching, no breeze, except for the one little place that sells wind chimes…there is quite a breeze at that one particular spot. Did they pray and God blessed them with wind or did they make a deal with the devil ? Charlie Daniels says “the devil went down to Georgia” so, it’s got me thinking! (They probably have a little oscillating fan hidden in the corner somewhere)

Now I can hardly wait to go back in Fall, because it is my favorite season of all…The trees are amazing! It’s as if God “opened a box of crayons and just colored all the trees” my quote…Now being raised in Florida, all we have ever seen is green, boring green. Unless a tree was brown and dead. I had a box of 64 crayons when I was a kid and always loved brick red, burnt sienna, and all the golds and browns, so when I saw the true colors of fall up close, I was and am still in awe…America the beautiful, indeed!

I have a good friend who, like me, was raised in the deep south of sunny Florida, and she has never seen the magnificent artwork of Autumn. I want her to come to my family home in the fall when the colors are their most vivid. I must share this with her…It’s like seeing snow for the first time or driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains and discovering that they really are “blue” God really is quite an artist, isn’t He? And what about snow? Besides making ‘snow angels’ in my sister’s front lawn in 1990 winter in Iowa, and being called in by her because “the neighbors will see” I marveled at the pure brilliance of the ‘white of snow’ I don’t know about you, but I think God has more than 64 colors in His art box! I love to color, kids love to color…He really has this color thing perfected and don’t even get me started on nature itself!

How can you not believe there is a Creator? I heard it said like this “If you were walking along the beach ( another awesome piece of His handiwork) and you found a watch in the sand, would you not realize that somewhere there is a Watchmaker?”

Winter, spring,summer or fall, all ya have to do is call and I’ll be there, yes I will…

Smile, just smile...

I sat two hours in the dentist chair today...They gave me a new smile :) Great, wonderful, awesome! Except for the drilling, drilling, drilling and they did not have a radio today...They always have music there! Are ya kiddin me? How will I distract myself ? How will I get through this? I had my
I-phone with me and turned on Pandora radio and it was good, I could hear it until he started drilling, then they could hear it but I could not hear it...Aaargh!

 

So I did the only thing I could do...Pray, and after one Our Father, I had plenty of time left so I let my mind ramble and the only thing I could think of was Dental Abuse! Aaargh! I am a victim and was traumatized as a child. Here was the deal; in the 1950s-60s, the dentist was not a place my family went to on a regular basis and dental insurance? We didn't even have health insurance! So when we were writhing in pain, they would finally break down and bring us...Well! it cost $12 to fill a tooth and it cost $10 to pull a tooth, so you guessed it! I had a lot of teeth pulled!



In second grade, my brother, in the only intentional violent act of his life, pushed me down a slide and I chipped my front tooth...Enter more trauma, every single school picture from then on would be evidence of that fateful day...To this day, my brother denies his participation in any such crime...Oh, OK, it wasn't you! a statement I would make many times in my life I would soon learn.

I suffered with a dysfunctional smile until I was married. At least I found someone who didn't mind the shadow of my smile to marry me...He never did seem to notice. Well, I will tell you that after several more tooth pullings, and a long list of different dentists, I ended up with a dentist that said "Ya know...I could file that front tooth of yours and you would hardly even notice that chip"...And so he did...and he didn't even charge me...And guess what? You could hardly notice it anymore....Crap, I had to pay extra for my senior pictures in high school to have my teeth filled in!

Suffice it to say, from that moment on, I would never be afraid to make dentist appointments for my children again...thought I was gonna say for me, huh? Well, I continued to go to dentist after dentist after dentist. What was I looking for? I don't know, pain-free experience?

And so, back to today, it was a little more than $12, it was 200 times more, and that was $2400 and my dental insurance had already paid $1500! This was option #2, the first option was 1000 times more...$12,000! That is pretty much half a car, so I guess I will take Door #2!

Won't ya smile awhile for me, Sara

Timed out

Did you ever fill out an application online? Its lotsa fun! we are trying to buy a new car and I thought it would be so much easier to fill out the credit union application online, so, sounds good, huh?
Now I must first tell you that I already did fill out an application about two weeks ago and then again about 3 months ago. We are just taking some time to find the right vehicle and not impulse buy, like we usually do. This may be the 9th vehicle we have purchased through this credit union also. So, when I filled out my application as a primary, that means your name is first and your credit is run first, and the percentage rate for the loan jumped oh, let me do the math, 6.75 points in the last 60-90 days!

Hmm...what the ??? Yep, that's what they tell me, but they can't tell me why... it's my credit, who you keeping a secret from? Anyway, I am told that my spouse can be the primary and then it would be 4.75 points lower! Oh dear God...Are ya kidding me? Well, why is his credit better? They can't tell me...well,at least now I know who you are keeping this secret from! Thanks! So, let's try it again! I go online last night and tried two times to fill out the application and I got "timed out" This is somehow for our security ...But I wasn't finished! OK, so maybe I am slow at typing, but I am tired now and so I went to bed thinking I would have a fresh start in the morning...

Fast forward to today 10am...I was all prepared, I had our employer's addresses and phone numbers written down, our SS#s, our driver's license number's, our mother's first cousin's neighbor's girl scout troop's number...EVERYTHING I needed!!! I even had two, three cups of coffee in me! And I started, got half way through... timed out for my security. Tried again, sped up a little... timed out for my security. Now I am really starting to get ticked off...Third time's the charm??? Nope did it again! And I tell you I was typing faster than a speeding bullet too! Aw, crap, I give up! Don't even tell me I need to actually go there and fill out a paper application? That is so 1990! come on! Deep breath in...deep breath out...count to ten...get out your frustrations by blogging. HOLY Mary! mother of pearl...You won't believe it! I just got "timed out" doing this blog!!! If I'm lying, I'm dying! At least, the blog gave me some more time to finish, phew! Now back to the credit union...

If I could turn back time, if I could find a way...

Jack and Jill...

Took a few days off... seems like each time I sat down to write, there was too much noise and confusion to distract me. I must have Adult ADD...I have been "accused" of it by a professional, no less! gave me some Rx that didn't do Jack or Jill! Now they diagnose all ages with that... crazy, huh? but how could I develop that after all these years?

 

I was always Ok as a kid, and believe me I had plenty of crap to distract me then...always some family drama...you know the saying "save the drama for your mama" In our house the "drama was my mama"...I will not delve into any of her crises, because to do so would not be fair, but let's just say she was not exactly Mrs Cleaver and leave it at that. She is now living life as a cute little ole lady in one of the city's nicest ALF's. Everybody loves her and that is as it should be.

Back to my attention problem, I did learn that I have a balance disorder, a what? Medically it is called a vestibular disorder, a what??? Well, it's like this...I feel like I'm swaying all the time and as if I'm gonna walk into a wall. OK, let me just stop here and say that I am not much of a drinker, not that I don't enjoy the devil's brew now and again! It's just that I already feel dizzy most of the time. Why would I want to add to this with ETOH?

Back to the balance thing...I went to a physical therapist, after having something called, of all things a "balance test'" sarcasm intended. Now I was not told the results of this test until I showed up in a different neurologist's office across town, over a year later with a new complaint, which now escapes me?? Anyway, he told me all kinds of stuff...Turns out all the falling down episodes or the unspoken feeling that I was gonna stroke out at any given time, or gee, here's one that has plagued me for many, many years "Nausea" and her nasty little friend "Vomiting"....all these wonderful feelings or what we in the medical world call symptoms were most likely related to this disorder...Hmm, guess I was compensating for this somehow for oh, gee, most of my life!

Well, now I can breathe, and not worry that I will die of embarrassment after being found on the floor somewhere! I will just say "Oh, I'm fine, keep going, don't need any help here...I'll get up in a minute or so"...Oh, let me count the ways and the times and the places I have fallen, but I could always get up! none of that old lady crap for me!

My husband would be walking along and hear me say "Yo! could ya help a girl out?" and then he

would turn around, see me on the ground and say "Oh, you fell again" and extend his hand as if it were perfectly natural and then we'd be on our way again.

Not that falling doesn't have a comical side to it...I fell "up the stairs" at a Jimmy Buffett concert once. I fell at Disney World and although I was scraped up, it was not good enough for any free passes or even a lawsuit, no less! I passed out and fell at Busch Gardens once and the whole family got free passes for the whole day while I spent time in the first aid station drinking gatorade and resting.

 I flew over a wheelchair into a wall, while working, and got right up with some assistance from a Spanish speaking stranger saying "Oh, dios mio!" So many more, so little time!

All in all, all these wonderful life experiences would have been missed if not for the annoying little problem that most likely developed after an ear infection as a kid...so no ADD for me, thank you, and I will pass on the nausea please! There are lots of stories about that, but nausea is only funny to medical professionals so I will spare you all that!

Falling, yes I am falling and it keeps calling me back again