All I have to do is dream...

I've been dreaming...and it's just hanging on...I can't wake up! Do you ever feel you are half asleep? and still trying to "shake" it? I bought a book for just such occasions: 10,000 Dreams and Their Meaning. Now, who wrote this book, I don't know and how long does it take to figure out that many meanings? I mean how many years did it take and why do I even care anyway???

So, I keep it on the nightstand or in the bathroom, because when you wake up, it's easy to forget, imagine that! So what I do remember is this: I was actually in outer space and talking with my brother, a retired judge, on what was some kinda patio deck? And there were tupperware-like bins thrown all over the place and someone told me to check them out and see if any of the stuff was mine...?...Well, couldn't find any of my stuff, but there was a bunch of my grown daughter's underwear in a bin-thongs to be exact and freshly laundered. In the pile was also a diamond engagement ring "about 1 and a half carats" according to a space buddy who checked it out. In comes my daughter and she doesn't want any of it, including the diamond. (She always was a picky one) So I was just standing there with a clean thong in one hand and a diamond ring in another when I heard a bird chirping! Enter reality-real birds outside my real window "Time to get up"

I sit up and quickly grab the book before I forget and look up the topic "Space" and it says something like; You will soon be released from a confining situation  Wow! it actually makes a little sense this time, the statement, anyway...

Now I wonder...what situation? I do feel confined, after all, I am stuck in this plus-sized body and I really am quite a skinny person deep inside-Am I gonna lose a "ton" of weight? Or, am I gonna get a new job? My dream has always been to be a greeter at Wal-mart. But what I really want is to get a job at Barnes and Noble. Although, I am sure I would get fired quickly for "handling the merchandise." All they would find is a bunch of "dog-earred" books in the crime fiction aisle...

OR, is my daughter gonna finally take care of her laundry so I don't feel smothered ? (I have enough of my own in a big pile,thank you very much!) AND is she gonna get married and have someone else besides "Daddy" change her flat tires?

Wow, what's it gonna be? I choose what's behind Door #1! One "ton of weight" coming up and out the door please! The dream job, I will save for when I retire in 10 or so years. And my daughter? Well some dreams are meant to be dreamt of and not realized for years and years...but I can still dream,

 can't I?

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids...

On the road again

Been on vacation this past week and have not written on my blog and I am now in the car on the way home “hoping” that I can just copy and paste this later. Worth a try, right?

I spent time in Northeast Georgia where we have a “family home” We love to go there as often as we can. I like to go in Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. So the summer weather is HOT! We always go to Helen, Ga and I like to say we go to “Helen back” cuz it is scorching, no breeze, except for the one little place that sells wind chimes…there is quite a breeze at that one particular spot. Did they pray and God blessed them with wind or did they make a deal with the devil ? Charlie Daniels says “the devil went down to Georgia” so, it’s got me thinking! (They probably have a little oscillating fan hidden in the corner somewhere)

Now I can hardly wait to go back in Fall, because it is my favorite season of all…The trees are amazing! It’s as if God “opened a box of crayons and just colored all the trees” my quote…Now being raised in Florida, all we have ever seen is green, boring green. Unless a tree was brown and dead. I had a box of 64 crayons when I was a kid and always loved brick red, burnt sienna, and all the golds and browns, so when I saw the true colors of fall up close, I was and am still in awe…America the beautiful, indeed!

I have a good friend who, like me, was raised in the deep south of sunny Florida, and she has never seen the magnificent artwork of Autumn. I want her to come to my family home in the fall when the colors are their most vivid. I must share this with her…It’s like seeing snow for the first time or driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains and discovering that they really are “blue” God really is quite an artist, isn’t He? And what about snow? Besides making ‘snow angels’ in my sister’s front lawn in 1990 winter in Iowa, and being called in by her because “the neighbors will see” I marveled at the pure brilliance of the ‘white of snow’ I don’t know about you, but I think God has more than 64 colors in His art box! I love to color, kids love to color…He really has this color thing perfected and don’t even get me started on nature itself!

How can you not believe there is a Creator? I heard it said like this “If you were walking along the beach ( another awesome piece of His handiwork) and you found a watch in the sand, would you not realize that somewhere there is a Watchmaker?”

Winter, spring,summer or fall, all ya have to do is call and I’ll be there, yes I will…

Smile, just smile...

I sat two hours in the dentist chair today...They gave me a new smile :) Great, wonderful, awesome! Except for the drilling, drilling, drilling and they did not have a radio today...They always have music there! Are ya kiddin me? How will I distract myself ? How will I get through this? I had my
I-phone with me and turned on Pandora radio and it was good, I could hear it until he started drilling, then they could hear it but I could not hear it...Aaargh!

 

So I did the only thing I could do...Pray, and after one Our Father, I had plenty of time left so I let my mind ramble and the only thing I could think of was Dental Abuse! Aaargh! I am a victim and was traumatized as a child. Here was the deal; in the 1950s-60s, the dentist was not a place my family went to on a regular basis and dental insurance? We didn't even have health insurance! So when we were writhing in pain, they would finally break down and bring us...Well! it cost $12 to fill a tooth and it cost $10 to pull a tooth, so you guessed it! I had a lot of teeth pulled!



In second grade, my brother, in the only intentional violent act of his life, pushed me down a slide and I chipped my front tooth...Enter more trauma, every single school picture from then on would be evidence of that fateful day...To this day, my brother denies his participation in any such crime...Oh, OK, it wasn't you! a statement I would make many times in my life I would soon learn.

I suffered with a dysfunctional smile until I was married. At least I found someone who didn't mind the shadow of my smile to marry me...He never did seem to notice. Well, I will tell you that after several more tooth pullings, and a long list of different dentists, I ended up with a dentist that said "Ya know...I could file that front tooth of yours and you would hardly even notice that chip"...And so he did...and he didn't even charge me...And guess what? You could hardly notice it anymore....Crap, I had to pay extra for my senior pictures in high school to have my teeth filled in!

Suffice it to say, from that moment on, I would never be afraid to make dentist appointments for my children again...thought I was gonna say for me, huh? Well, I continued to go to dentist after dentist after dentist. What was I looking for? I don't know, pain-free experience?

And so, back to today, it was a little more than $12, it was 200 times more, and that was $2400 and my dental insurance had already paid $1500! This was option #2, the first option was 1000 times more...$12,000! That is pretty much half a car, so I guess I will take Door #2!

Won't ya smile awhile for me, Sara

Timed out

Did you ever fill out an application online? Its lotsa fun! we are trying to buy a new car and I thought it would be so much easier to fill out the credit union application online, so, sounds good, huh?
Now I must first tell you that I already did fill out an application about two weeks ago and then again about 3 months ago. We are just taking some time to find the right vehicle and not impulse buy, like we usually do. This may be the 9th vehicle we have purchased through this credit union also. So, when I filled out my application as a primary, that means your name is first and your credit is run first, and the percentage rate for the loan jumped oh, let me do the math, 6.75 points in the last 60-90 days!

Hmm...what the ??? Yep, that's what they tell me, but they can't tell me why... it's my credit, who you keeping a secret from? Anyway, I am told that my spouse can be the primary and then it would be 4.75 points lower! Oh dear God...Are ya kidding me? Well, why is his credit better? They can't tell me...well,at least now I know who you are keeping this secret from! Thanks! So, let's try it again! I go online last night and tried two times to fill out the application and I got "timed out" This is somehow for our security ...But I wasn't finished! OK, so maybe I am slow at typing, but I am tired now and so I went to bed thinking I would have a fresh start in the morning...

Fast forward to today 10am...I was all prepared, I had our employer's addresses and phone numbers written down, our SS#s, our driver's license number's, our mother's first cousin's neighbor's girl scout troop's number...EVERYTHING I needed!!! I even had two, three cups of coffee in me! And I started, got half way through... timed out for my security. Tried again, sped up a little... timed out for my security. Now I am really starting to get ticked off...Third time's the charm??? Nope did it again! And I tell you I was typing faster than a speeding bullet too! Aw, crap, I give up! Don't even tell me I need to actually go there and fill out a paper application? That is so 1990! come on! Deep breath in...deep breath out...count to ten...get out your frustrations by blogging. HOLY Mary! mother of pearl...You won't believe it! I just got "timed out" doing this blog!!! If I'm lying, I'm dying! At least, the blog gave me some more time to finish, phew! Now back to the credit union...

If I could turn back time, if I could find a way...

Jack and Jill...

Took a few days off... seems like each time I sat down to write, there was too much noise and confusion to distract me. I must have Adult ADD...I have been "accused" of it by a professional, no less! gave me some Rx that didn't do Jack or Jill! Now they diagnose all ages with that... crazy, huh? but how could I develop that after all these years?

 

I was always Ok as a kid, and believe me I had plenty of crap to distract me then...always some family drama...you know the saying "save the drama for your mama" In our house the "drama was my mama"...I will not delve into any of her crises, because to do so would not be fair, but let's just say she was not exactly Mrs Cleaver and leave it at that. She is now living life as a cute little ole lady in one of the city's nicest ALF's. Everybody loves her and that is as it should be.

Back to my attention problem, I did learn that I have a balance disorder, a what? Medically it is called a vestibular disorder, a what??? Well, it's like this...I feel like I'm swaying all the time and as if I'm gonna walk into a wall. OK, let me just stop here and say that I am not much of a drinker, not that I don't enjoy the devil's brew now and again! It's just that I already feel dizzy most of the time. Why would I want to add to this with ETOH?

Back to the balance thing...I went to a physical therapist, after having something called, of all things a "balance test'" sarcasm intended. Now I was not told the results of this test until I showed up in a different neurologist's office across town, over a year later with a new complaint, which now escapes me?? Anyway, he told me all kinds of stuff...Turns out all the falling down episodes or the unspoken feeling that I was gonna stroke out at any given time, or gee, here's one that has plagued me for many, many years "Nausea" and her nasty little friend "Vomiting"....all these wonderful feelings or what we in the medical world call symptoms were most likely related to this disorder...Hmm, guess I was compensating for this somehow for oh, gee, most of my life!

Well, now I can breathe, and not worry that I will die of embarrassment after being found on the floor somewhere! I will just say "Oh, I'm fine, keep going, don't need any help here...I'll get up in a minute or so"...Oh, let me count the ways and the times and the places I have fallen, but I could always get up! none of that old lady crap for me!

My husband would be walking along and hear me say "Yo! could ya help a girl out?" and then he

would turn around, see me on the ground and say "Oh, you fell again" and extend his hand as if it were perfectly natural and then we'd be on our way again.

Not that falling doesn't have a comical side to it...I fell "up the stairs" at a Jimmy Buffett concert once. I fell at Disney World and although I was scraped up, it was not good enough for any free passes or even a lawsuit, no less! I passed out and fell at Busch Gardens once and the whole family got free passes for the whole day while I spent time in the first aid station drinking gatorade and resting.

 I flew over a wheelchair into a wall, while working, and got right up with some assistance from a Spanish speaking stranger saying "Oh, dios mio!" So many more, so little time!

All in all, all these wonderful life experiences would have been missed if not for the annoying little problem that most likely developed after an ear infection as a kid...so no ADD for me, thank you, and I will pass on the nausea please! There are lots of stories about that, but nausea is only funny to medical professionals so I will spare you all that!

Falling, yes I am falling and it keeps calling me back again






Shoulda known better with a girl like you...

I found a picture of myself in 10th grade. I was so darn cute and skinny, that it's downright scary! "Do I still look like that?" I asked my friend Bobby, 10th grade was the year I met him. Now it's possible that he is afraid to answer. Guys are funny that way. They stop and pause and think about what they should say and what 'version of the truth' they should tell you. Guys only do that if they like you or love you. If they don't care or like you, they answer quickly
"yeah, yeah, you look the same" They don't know that we ask them stuff like that just to mess with them and it's also a surefire way to get a compliment if ya need one.....Oh and Bobby said "Yep, but purdier" Told ya!! Guys are really great sometimes!

I'll do an experiment for you. I will show my husband the very same picture and ask him the same question...OK, experiment over! First I have to tell you that one of his favorite movies is Yes Man with Jim Carey. So I showed him the picture and he did not hesitate or pause, he said "Yes, dear, you sure do look the same" So, did my experiment backfire or what? Nah, he just knows how to play the game after many years and he does that just to mess with me...

So the bigger question is this..."Why do I see that younger, prettier, skinnier girl in the mirror when I look into it?" Am I the only one with a 'magic mirror' or does my heart just see what it wants to see? Aww, 17 again, would I go back if I could? Uh, yeah...

I would right a few wrongs, take more risks, go to more concerts, for sure, especially The Young Rascals concert at Pirate's World. 

I would have slapped the crap out of a few of the jerks I dated too. 

I would have gone to college if I had to beg, borrow or steal to do it.

 I would have moved away from here. 

I would have been unafraid to talk to anyone!

  I would have been the me I am today then. 

I would not be scared of my own shadow.

I would have been one of the most confident, friendly, funny, kind, honest, outspoken people you could ever meet. 

I would have been me sooner...

So, how did I get from there to here and acquire all these adjectives? Heck, all you need is a few 'co-pays' and you can figure it out pretty quick...

But, to change all that would change me, I guess, huh? And it would change who my children and my grandchildren are....And in the end, they are the reason I would not go back....I would not have missed meeting them for the world....To know that you are a reason that certain wonderful women are on the planet is a very powerful thing...They are my greatest work and the most awesome gifts that I could ever give to the world...

Well, she was just 17, if you know what I mean

Time spent, money spent

Sometimes I just shut down my brain and let it take a vacation. I did this today and gave it a day off... a day where I could spend time with friends and spend money on me. I call it a $100.00 day. I start off in the drug store, where I pick up two $5 prescriptions and it costs $20+ because hair dye was on sale and I do need some greeting cards, Yes! I still send snail mail...I think it is sweet and old fashioned, and I will not give that up...yet...

Then it is on to the jewelry store down the street. I have not worn my wedding ring for well over a year. Why? The diamond fell out at work one day...I am just now getting over the loss...it was a full 1/8th of a carat...but I have had it for nearly a 100 years and had grown very fond of it, considering it a good luck charm, if you will...The diamond was from my original engagement ring. I had my rings re-designed and put in a temporary CZ stone. I find it fascinating when people actually have the gall to ask "Is it real?" whenever a stone is a carat or bigger "Well, yeah, it's real, you're looking right at it, aren't you?" 

But back to the real reason I was at the jewelry store...My fingers have gained some weight in the last year or so, so I had my triple diamond (they are real, yes) Anniversary ring "sized" and that was $26. I like that word "sized". I would like to be "sized" and made smaller, please! After all, rings can be "sized" bigger or smaller. Sounds good, huh? Wish it was that easy...

One of my favorite "haunts" is Ross. I like to say "I got it at Ross" because I get a lot of stuff there and I say it even if I "got it at Target" because, like the commercial, it's just catchier... I fill up the shopping cart with stuff and after looking at every single top in my size, a size smaller and a size larger...See there is that "size" thing again...anyway, I found one top in a size smaller for $6.99.

 I may never wear it, but that's not the point. The point is, I found one top in the whole store, then it was on to household items...I found a little gadget that cuts jelly sandwiches into the shape of dinosaurs... Who knew? At $1.99, it was such a deal, I had to have it...Maybe I'll make jelly sandwiches for dinner tonight...So after I put back over half the items in my cart and paid for the other half ( $33) it was time to eat...

Next stop, lunch with my friends, who had never met, but I knew they would like each other and get along and they did have friends in common. I just enjoyed listening and laughing and being with them. It was like a spa day for my brain to be there. Alcohol wasn't or didn't need to be involved. It was relaxing and I enjoyed the time with them...priceless

All in all, I fell short of my $100.00 and that's OK, I can make that up another day...

Say you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfied