What kind of woman are YOU?

Yesterday morning sucked! Yes, I said it, I just blurted it out! I am known to 'blurt' occasionally and without warning, I might add! So,get over it... Anyway, it just sucked... When a woman doesn't feel good or "up to snuff" as they say and what the hell does that mean,anyway? Well, back to the 3 things to take note of when a woman does not feel good!

Number One: She will not be wearing any jewelry, especially earrings, there is just too much effort to put them on, and then you just have to take them off when you get home! Oh Dear God! She will keep her wedding ring on, but if that is off, You need to sit down beside her and gently say "Are you alright,dear?" Be prepared though...she might just bite your head off and well, you DID ask now,didn't you?

Number Two: Not a stitch of makeup! if she's wearing some lip gloss and a little mascara, just back off and give her some room, she may be OK later, much later. Do you understand what it takes to put "on" makeup? It takes five minutes, that is what it takes and if she is NOT willing to "take five" and do this little ritual for herself, then she is either VERY late to work, VERY tired or she just don't give a rip!

 And number Three? Well, damned if I can remember number three! But it will come to me...eventually...I hope. So here I am, with little or no makeup, earrings only, ready to take them off at any confrontation and listening to a couple of Jackass disc jockeys on the way to work. And the gas light comes on...Oh, crap! I have $1.98 in my account (could be the reason I am so pissy, whaddya think?) Soooo,what do I do? Well, I pulled over, got out the I-phone (to call for help? Hell no! to FIND help!) and go to PLACES to find the nearest gas station. So I fill up with my "Target" card at the Chevron (rip-offs!) and I go cruising down the highway to work, or so I thought and where the hell am I? I am headed for the turnpike and the Florida Keys! Geez! How did I get here? After a split second decision of going to the Keys (or not) ran through my brain, I went across 2-3 lanes of traffic-who's counting? and did a U-ee...Is that how you spell U-turn?...

Anyway, I turned around which in the end was the "wiser course" yes! and headed toward work, and drove right by a Hess station that was 5-6 cents cheaper a gallon (again,who's counting?) and got to work-ON TIME! I walked past my co-worker and my supervisor (who just happens to be one of my BFFs for life, SO??) and put down my purse, grabbed my coffee cup and said "Are we allowed to put Kahlua in our coffee here? Or even Baileys?" And whooshed off to the nearest fresh coffee I could find! Well, they were so worried that they rushed after me! Remember! I ONLY had lip gloss and a little mascara on! SO, we all chatted at the coffee station and I brought up my theory, and they both said,"But we don't wear makeup!" Hmmm...Damn!

So I had to rethink my scientific process and come up with something fast! But, right then, at that particular moment in time...I had nothing...so I just went to work. Now today I think that women who do NOT wear makeup are just free in their own skin and when they DO put on makeup, look out! They are ready to have some fun now! But I was "raised" by a woman who had a hard life and always put her makeup on! When and if my mother ever "passes away" we will have to pry lipstick out of one hand and mascara out of the other...and you can be sure! She will have already put it on! She ain't going to no Pearly Gates or nothing without it! So basically, this blows my theory out of the water, too. And now that I think about it, my sister-in-law always wears a lot of jewelry! bracelets and necklaces and rings and she just had her gallbladder out...did they make her take all that off? Oh Dear God, I never even asked! How thoughtless of me! So maybe it is just ME...I am the one who doesn't wear makeup or jewelry when I don't feel good and the whole world should take notice, right? Yeah, I guess so...

The moral of the story is this! If you care about someone, take notice of the "little things" that set her apart and if she is NOT in her usual "state" whether it be wearing makeup or not, wearing jewelry or not and if she differs in any way on any particular day...LOOK OUT! Could be good...Could be bad...

You better run, you better take cover...