Do you know me?

Ray Charles sings one of the most beautiful songs "You don't know Me" and in the movie Groundhog Day there is a dance scene in a gazebo with Bill Murray and Andie McDowell that is classic and beautiful. Do you ever feel like people don't know you? I do...Maybe it's because I am a Scorpio and take secrets to the grave if you tell me or that I have secrets too. I am surprised sometimes by things that people say or suggest to me...like identifying me with a political party that I have no loyalty to? First age old rule :no politics please or at least keep your opinion to yourself...I do...Oh I might roll my eyes at stuff, but what am I really rolling my eyes about? I might be a few steps ahead of you and already thinking of something else. My political view is this: get ready! I feel strongly BOTH ways. I am one who has always thought that I should listen to all and take the best from all and maybe I am good at keeping secrets because you thought I thought this when I really think this! hmmm...

Or do you think I am a tree hugger or not? Hmmm...Always loved trees. Remember? "the girl in the tree is Me" I recycle and I cringe when a piece of paper is wasted but do I always recycle ? nope! but I do a lot of the time... Always loved the planet earth...I am a resident here and I am amazed at the wonders of nature that my creator has created...Oh yes, here we go...my religious views are on the table now, so here is my belief: If I was walking along the beach and having a wonderful day at the ocean (one of Mother Nature's most awesome gifts for sure!) and I saw something shining that washed up on the shore and picked it up and saw that it was a watch, then I would say to myself "wow, a watch, who made this?" Someone, somewhere made this-there is a watchmaker who created this...the watch may or may not be broken, just like anything or anyone that has been created, but it is a watch and it is here... So now comes creationism...did we evolve from tadpoles and monkeys or did we just start out human? Oh boy! I believe what I believe but in the grand scheme of things, I will not waste time arguing about how we started because in the end, who cares? Our beginning will be explained in our ending and we ALL have a beginning and an ending, RIGHT??? So I believe that my beginning and my ending will result in this: I will meet the watchmaker and if this gives me peace in my heart, then why would I want to argue about the deepest secrets and beliefs that I hold to be true to my soul? and why would I want to shove them down your throat either? If you are curious about what I really believe and want to really know me, then just ask! But then... just listen...don't judge, don't argue and just don't ask unless you want to really know me! Will it make a difference in how I feel about you? NO! because if you are my friend, I will love and care for you regardless of our differences in what we believe. My beliefs will not stop my love for my friends and family, but my beliefs will probably enhance that love. So leave me to my beliefs and know this: that just because "you don't know me" doesn't mean that I will love you any less. I believe in the "unique-ness" of us all and if you really knew me, you would know, that I am not so unique,after all....I don't have it all figured out for you and the rest of the world...I just have it figured out for me...

I'm just a friend,that's all I've ever been, cause you don't know me

Going home



You know the saying "I feel like a red-headed step-child" Funny? Maybe? But did you ever feel like one? Did you ever feel like you don't quite belong somewhere? That the puzzle pieces or the shoes are not fitting? Maybe it's school or work or your group of friends...Or maybe you were a foster child or literally-a red-headed step child! Note: I LOVE Red Heads! it is the purest of hair colors! Just try to alter it or "become one" It ain't easy...I know!

So here you are in this land, and it sure isn't "Kansas" and you feel restless and disjointed and you might not know why OR you DO know why...What do you do? Well, if you are a kid, that is when you start talking to God, cause there has got to be somebody somewhere who can help you out and you just might want to "make friends" with HIM! And if you are an adult, you might want to start talking to God, also! Prayer changes things...I know


Now the funny thing is...and I am in no way, discounting what real foster and step children go through! My heart aches for them...I want them ALL to feel the best gift of ALL-belonging with a group of family and friends that make you just say "Aaahh" when you are with them. THAT is what "Home" really is...It's not even a place, it's a group of real,live people. It's "that place where you belong"

So, you may be in a "place" where you don't feel at home or you don't "feel the love" It doesn't mean that you can't learn something while you are traveling this "yellow brick road" of sorts, does it? Heck, you might not even know you are on it, but you DO know you are going somewhere and if you are lucky enough, you will have a  scarecrow, a lion and a tin man to help you on your way! Oh and don't forget the dog, yes "Toto too"

Maybe one day, someone will look at you and want to "adopt" you! They will have you sign papers in the form of tuition papers or even a PAF (personnel action form) Or you will sign imaginary papers and be brought right into the family just because you are a new friend...Remember "Blood doesn't make you family, Love makes you family" My Quote! It feels so good and natural to bring that person "in" We have recently adopted a big brother for my girls and also a little sister! Sounds silly, but they have both taken a place in my heart where they will forever be at home there... The heart is an amazing piece of real estate, it just grows and grows and expands to gather in more people to love if you will just let it...and the only investment is loving and caring for one another. Yep! it's true, I know...I know

I have learned on this road to pray,pray,pray not just for yourself, but for others, maybe that is one of the keys. Many people have rougher roads to travel, but yours is rough for you, now, isn't it? No room in the suitcase for guilt. Have faith in Him and your family and friends. Did you gain any friends on that road? Don't leave the lion ,who might have been there all the time and has done a pretty good job of protecting you or the scarecrow, who has helped you find the way and really is quite smart! And maybe the tin man is a friend you have gained along the way who has the biggest heart of all and you would have never met, save for this journey.

And so...it is time to leave Cabbage Patch Land and you might even get to change your name from "Sneezy" to "Happy" Maybe you were allergic to the cabbage patch, just saying... And the best part of being adopted is this:You are chosen by those who really want YOU and so when you click your heels together and say three times, "There's no place like home" Just remember, that "home" is where you will find love and friendship and caring and you will truly call yourself Happy when you get there..

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came

These Dreams!

Dreams are funny aren't they? Sometimes you wake up in the morning with what I like to call: a dream hangover! the kind that won't let you fully wake up in to the real world and just start your day! It's like they want to become a part of your reality...the dream has a life of it's own. You know, dreams can send messages and ideas and thoughts and revelations...A couple books here and there talk about them...I think one is a little book called The Bible and I DO have a reference book called "10,000 Dreams and Their Meanings" 10,000? really? To have 10,000 dreams it would take...let me do some quick math in my head (OKAY! I used a calculator!) Well, it would take 27.397 years so I guess the average Joe could have close to 30,000 in a lifetime, IF you are lucky!

So anyway! MY guess is that I have had almost 20,000 dreams and in my particular case, I remember about 5 of them to be hangovers which is 0.0005% (yeah, I used the calculator AGAIN! So?) Whew! But If I really think about it, there is a correlation to the amount of real life hangovers I have really had...Wow, I should get paid for this kind of research! And YES! I have only had about 5 hangovers in my life, and they were memorable too! Hmm, someone really needs to discover me...I have all kinds of ideas that nobody else does and I need to tell it to the world! OR maybe I have all kinds of ideas that everybody else does, but they have just not written it down! Either way, I need to get this info out there! So back to my dream last night,that is hanging on...It was very personal and real and involved a friend and it was a message to all who would have friends and call them dear. And I happen to have some of the greatest friends ever. I am "gifted" with friends...they are like diamonds and I have quite the "diamond tennis bracelet" of friends, I must say!

 I don't know if you choose your friends or they choose you or life chooses them for you, but the riches that come with friendships are one of life's "eight wonders" My brother and my sister are my first best friends and they were "waiting " for me when I was born, so they were my first two diamonds and they sparkle brilliantly to this day! I have never had a fight with either one of them (People don't usually believe this, but it's TRUE!) Now that is not to say that they both have not done ME bodily harm...I think I discussed this in an earlier blog, BUT I really, really LOVE them and as I am writing this, I realize that I learned about real love from them, not my parents... Sorry Mom and Dad, you did the best you could, but they loved and cared and protected me while you two worked and lived your detached adult lives in the 50s and 60s, smoking and drinking and cavorting in your spare time...Is that why they call them Mad Men?

 It was not Father Knows Best OR The Donna Reed Show at our house... Baby Boomers, huh? They had us, but what did they do with us or for us? They just had a bunch of kids cause that's what people did? Thank God for whoever invented birth control! I don't know about YOU, but I really gave a lot of thought to having my kids and I had only two...We wanted more,but I could go on and on about the whys and what ifs, and then there is the feeling of wonder...A child is so precious...I wonder if I did right by her...I hope I did...It was MY decision that brought her into this world...Is she happy? Could I have been a better parent? (YES!) But here is the real wonder...Baby Boomers never gave it a thought, they just had kids cause everybody else did...I could be wrong ,but I don't think so...Whoa! Where did that come from? I told you! Someone needs to publish all this stuff  I come up with! So, back to dream hangovers...You didn't really think I would share something as personal as to what my dream was about, did you? It WAS about friendship and love, that is all I will say and maybe when I DO write a book, it will include all those treasures, but not today! Today I will just be thankful to my parents, and since they had a bunch of kids anyway, that the bonus was this: I ended up with the best gifts of all, the best brothers and sisters on this earth, the ones who really taught me about love and friendship and I am a better friend to all because of them...

Why's it so hard to love one another...love your sisters, love your brothers

When I was "old"

When I turned 50, I had a big birthday party with 20 of my girlfriends! We had a tea party and dressed up in hats and fur stoles (real ones provided by the tea party place, so?) We had tea and little sandwiches and small slices of cake...It was great, although, I am sure most of us stopped for a burger on the way home...In the olden days, women stayed thin because they ate so little, I guess... 

 Anyway, I decided to "crown myself Queen" and start a Red Hat ladies group. We planned all kinds of activities, but mostly we had birthday parties for anyone who was turning 50. We went "downtown" and wore our red hats sitting outside at sidewalk cafes...It was fun, it was new...BUT then the "official red hat society" became a giant old lady dressed in purple and red! We tried to keep up! We even went to a convention and Elvis was there, too! It was a sea of old women! We looked at each other and thought..."Are we this old?" Naw!!!! We are not this old!!! This lasted a few years, long enough to collect red and purple stuff and spend our hard earned cash on "official red hat society" items. Hmm, wonder what this stuff could bring on E-bay?

 Well, everywhere we looked, there were groups of old ladies dressed in red and purple! Yikes! I was getting sick of it! We were not a cute, little different group of young, old ladies anymore...so, we gradually dissolved and became who we really were...young, older women (in number, only!) and we realized that it is OK to be a red hat lady, but we wanted to be unique, and that meant being ourselves! 

 So, no more hats, no more red, no more purple, no more Queens, no more dues to a crazy multi-million dollar business (The old broads who started this were business savvy and now rich!) So why give them anymore cash or attention? they didn't offer to sell us stock in their company, now did they? I did have fun at the time, BUT I can honestly say, I don't miss it! I would like to dress up in a hat and have mango martinis on the "boulevard" again, though! So to all my "tea party" friends, let's do it! 

But let's be a "young hat society" let's turn back the clock and not grow older, but grow better, like fine wine! Hmm..."fine wine society?" Betcha I could get a bunch of girlfriends to join this! WE probably have a good 20 years before we really become old...Aren't old women retired? Well, me and my friends are not retired or even close, so we will remain young at heart and in spirit and then someday, when we are really old and if all the wine in the world is gone, we will still not ever wear red and purple again!

 

While we're young and beautiful, we'll party down on Main Street...

Not Nice!

Did you ever accidentally cut someone off while you were driving? You are lying if you said no! We have all done it! Here’s the real question…Did you mean to? Most of you will say "of course not! "And there will be a few buttheads who say ‘the other guy deserved it’ There’s a movie called The Blind Side, but what about a featurette called The Blind Spot? A very attractive middle age blond lady driving her brand new Mazda 6 (Sounds like a zoom-zoom car ,huh? It’s really a “mini-van” in disguise!) She is NOT talking on the cell phone OR day dreaming or nothing…just driving…maybe five miles over the speed limit but that’s’ ALL. She decides to get in the right lane so faster traffic can get around her. Now just two seconds ago, NO ONE was there! And guess what? This person must have pulled out of a driveway or something in a tiny silver car and I, I mean “she” cuts the car off…The person in the silver car starts beeping ,of course and the blond lady is properly embarrassed and waves her hands in the international gesture of I AM SO SORRY! There was NO accident-Thank Christopher! And God too,of course!!!! So anyway the silver car ‘backs off’ and thinks that the blond is some kind of crazy driver, so don’t get near her,blah,blah,blah…that’s what the very attractive blond lady driver thought anyway. They all approach the red light and slow down and the blond lady figures she will roll down the window and apologize, BUT the silver car pulls up first and an old lady with too much makeup on gives her “The Look” and “THE Finger” Hmmm, not nice lady! Have you EVER cut someone else off,huh? Of course not, you old bat! ANYWAY! Why can’t we ALL just get along? On the road, at the very least? No need to be so rude, either way, right or wrong…and if someone IS driving crazy, BACK OFF and let them go! They could be some nut with a 22 under their seat and you might piss them off by calling them an A-hole and then where will you be? Six feet under,that’s where! END of story and featurette! So, the only thing I have to say to the rude old Lady in the silver car that I cut off, yes it WAS me! Ha! I can admit it, big deal! Well ,what I have to say is this: Nice manicure, Granny!!!! thought I was gonna say something else?

  And we’ll go ‘round in circles,a ha,we’ll fly high like a bird up in the sky…

Traveling Mercies

I am not Catholic,but I have two favorite saints-Anthony and Christopher. I do not believe that you have to pray to them for help. I believe that I can go right to the source, BUT! I believe in prayer and St Anthony and St Christopher routinely help me out.

Any sincere prayer to God is listened to, so I figure why not? St Anthony has helped me out of a jam quite a few times, the most recent was when I lost some cash. I was frantic! a couple hundred bucks don't come easy anymore to anyone! I became desperate to the point of praying! Why didn't I think of it sooner? Duh! Within a few hours, there it was! It was St Anthony who helped me find it, I am sure of it! I told some friends about it a few days later after the couple told me he lost his wedding ring. They are not Catholic either, but I grabbed the wife's hand and my sisters' hand and asked St Anthony to help us find his ring. They looked everywhere! And guess what? They found the ring later the next day...hmm, coincidence? I think not!

Now I don't really pray to St Christopher on a regular basis, BUT I do pray for "Traveling Mercies" each time we travel...It is MY thing! My family will tell you and they remind me if I forget. I have angels in the car to keep charge over us and and keep us in all our ways. Psalm 91:11, my favorite verse, because I count on it...It is hard to have faith and trust of any kind much less in something or someone you cannot even see...I always pray for God to keep us safe in our journey and to bless those we leave behind and those we are going to. And I thank Him for his blessings.

Now I am NOT superstitious. I don't believe if I forget to pray that He will not grant His mercies. I just feel better when I pray. I am NOT an extremist as far as my beliefs (anymore! another blog...) I just pray, just talk to God and ask for His help, like He is my father, cause He is! Sometimes all I say is "God bless whoever" and believe that HE listens, even when I don't believe He listens!

Now I thought of Traveling Mercies and the journey of traveling. I have been on a journey for two years and have not thought once of praying for traveling mercies or to St Christopher. I just keep whining to God or saying stuff like "Oh, Come ON!" OR just send me some instructions in the mail and I will do whatever, just help a sister out, will ya? Not respectful enough,ya think? I don't think I mean disrespect, so No! That's not it...hmm...

I just need to realize that this is a journey and that I need St Christopher to "carry me" to completion. And I figure he has already been carrying me if I really think about it. It is just time to give credit where credit is due. I have been praying recently and "kissing the cross" Again, NOT Catholic, but it gives me comfort when I am facing daily struggles and I feel that I am not in this alone. When I am not near or with my family, I feel a loss of control, as if me just being there will keep them safe or something or at the very least I could get help for them as needed. What do I think I am? A "Saint"?

So, anyway, for me, prayer is the thing I count on...And I certainly don't mind a little help from my friends St Anthony and St Christopher. Oh and sometimes I cry out for "Holy Mary"

I get by with a little help from my friends, a little help from my friends...

Ho,ho,ho

Merry Christmas! It's almost here and Happy New Year too! I need to get my butt out of bed and finish up, but I am agitated. The phone rang at 8:00 and if you follow my blogs, you know I ranted on about people waking me up! "Are you talkin to me?" So I am in "paralysis mode" or what I like to call PM! It is dangerously close to PMS now,isn't it? And we don't want any 'flashbacks' to those years now, do we? Well, maybe just for fun, I WILL blog about the PMS years! I will make a "mental" note of it for the future...hmm So here's the thing...what the hell is wrong with people? Is there no  Christmas spirit left any where???                                              

Why are people so dang self centered and stupid? My daughter is a server at Hard Rock and she stayed late to wait on a table and the guy had a stack of $25 chips and he had a tab of $90 and he gave her SIX freakin dollars! WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? We always leave 5-6 bucks on a $20-30 breakfast tab! Twenty percent of 90=18, you A-hole! YOU SHOULDA LEFT $18-20, not SIX! Now, my girl is no pushover, but she is a single mom and when she told me this, I was livid! How she remained calm is beyond me! Here's what I woulda done: I woulda gone"New Jersey Housewife" on his ass and "Teresa tipped" the table at him, yelled a few choice words and walked out! I hope that guy loses "his shirt" and his house and his car and everything to gambling! No, I take that back, cause it's Christmas and I don't want to lower myself and be mean to him...So here's my New Years wish for him: I hope he gets a "brand new job" as a WAITER in 2011 and he can experience first hand the joys of the service industry "My lips to God's ears!!! My real new Years wish is this: that both my daughters find happiness and good health and good fortune doing jobs they love. I would wish them to find true love,but I am convinced that there are no more good guys out there...there is an entire generation of morons who "think" they are men and they are not good enough for my girls-better to be alone than with an idiot! Sorry girls, Mom's gotta tell ya this, but "there ain't NO white horse riding, Matthew McConaughy lookin knight in shining armor, real men out there anymore! I hope I am wrong, I challenge the universe to prove me wrong! WHERE are the Good Guys? All I want for Christmas is some hope that real men still exist and still do the right thing and he can "start" by tipping his server at least 20%...

You' re so vain, you probably think this song is about you...