Grief

I wrote this poem after Donna's sister Belinda died.

It may not be "usual" blog material, but it is important to acknowledge nonetheless...Donna and I shared a love for "All Things Shakespeare" at one time, and so it should be read in that light...

Grief’s Door

Where would thou lead me, Through Her door?

To find my heart pierced By Her swift arrows?

Arrows wrought by loss, Not Cupid’s love…

When will She leave me? With Summer’s end?

Or will She stay within me Until I am in my twilight?

How could She steal from me One so precious and adored,

And leave behind Her dreary presence?

Stay not with me! For I am spent and worn from these bitter tears…

Depart from me, you Thief! You! Who have robbed me

You have taken a very part of my soul…
You have taken one so dear and ingrained in my heart
That I fear it may skip a beat

And forget to beat again…

My mind swims in your confusion

It leads me not to a safe shore, But weary from ever paddling…

Run from me, Robber! Leave me my rest

For my heart and my mind and my very soul are torn by you

How long will you stay? A day? A week? A year? A lifetime?

Have mercy, I pray. Do not blanket me with this affliction forever!

Who can save me? My Lord, my God, has thou taken my loved one to be with Thee?

Can You love this one so dear to me as much as I did?

The one whose very absence crushes me with pain?

The one whose voice I will hear no more?

Whose lips will not kiss or arms will not hold me?

Do those eyes twinkle now for You and those who came before?

Will you now hold this one securely in Your arms and kiss now that dear face?

Oh, promise me ...Oh, promise me

Can this hole in my heart ever heal?

What can fill it, my Lord?

Will You now comfort me in my night of Grief and also in the mourning?

Would He who loved the world so much That He gave His only son

Save my heart and soul and mind

And send His peace while She is still tormenting me?

I pray He will ...I pray He will



I sometimes read this poem and wonder...just "who" wrote it... I dedicate it to 3 women I lost in my life that I loved dearly; My niece Michelle, her mother Pam and my beloved mother in law Helen.The grief I felt with the loss of each of them is faint now after many years, but not gone...

Ruth 1:16-17- And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.

And today 08/07/2012, my dear, sweet friend Binnie died, and so this is for you, too. My heart is broken once again in the loss of my wonderful friend.
Sadly Donna passed away as well in 2013 and then Denise passed away the next year. I found out through Facebook which is a blessing and a curse... My sorrow and my grief cannot be released into words as of yet...

Life just sucks sometimes...

Well, I haven't written in weeks...Why? Cuz Life sucks, That's why...I am not quite sure when this Cluster Suck started-thought I was gonna say something else,huh? Hey my blog is at the very least PG rated. But back to the "suck fest" I guess it all started in March, when  I became sick and because it was St Paddy's day, some kinda Banshee must have attached herself to me...My blog, My explanation, OK?



So I "missed" O'Candelmo's Big Pre-St.Patrick's Day Party...and then I missed The Irish Day Parade in my hometown-the only "hometown" event worth going to, I might add. So I became deeply depressed and the Banshee wanted me to "find a bridge" that I could jump off of. Luckily, I am scared of heights so I just told her "HELL NO!" and pulled the covers up over my head and just disappeared for awhile, The saddest part is nobody noticed, except my "trusty True Irish Girl Sidekick"  Chris and my "Scorpio SIL Linda"



Life just went on for everyone else as lovely as you please and I realized that LIFE SUCKS! I threw myself a truly deserved "pity party" Oh yeah, you betcha I did and I am still celebrating a little here and there as we speak! now I realize that family and friends do NOT have ESPN as I like to call it and maybe some just didn't know what a HUGE hole I had fallen into. And I have decided to forgive all 270 of my facebook 'friends' for this. After all, people "suck" too...

March turned into April and then May and June and July and nothing good seemed to happen, just a whole lotta boring and loneliness and I wasn't scared of heights anymore... I was wondering if I could "mapquest" a bridge...Luckily Dee called me in the midst of all this strife from Alabama and she DOES have ESP, so she talked me off of the bridge until we could "jump" together...and that wasn't gonna happen anytime soon- we were both stuck where we were stuck. I realized after talking many hours with my BFF, that other people actually thought that Life sucked too! And she was one of them. So why look for a bridge to "jump" from? What I really needed was to "build my own bridge" and get over it and get over me too...

In the meantime, I just couldn't get over the fact that People Suck! Yep, I said it and I mean it, they suck...We are lucky to know a handful of people who really care about us, faulted as we are and  we are blessed to have these people who accept us as we are. You may think you have a lot of  friends, but when the rubber meets the road, there will most likely be just a few left standing beside you. So! I decided to be thankful for those still standing and just let the others jump or build their own bridges because they could be in a deeper hole than I ever was in! And if I "noticed" and wanted to lay some asphalt down for them on their bridges, I would, but if they just wanted to throw bricks at me, because maybe they thought that "I" sucked...then I would just lay those bricks down on the bridge, too... No sense wasting them.

So here's the upside: I have to forgive Life, which sucks and forgive the faulted people, like me ,who suck.  And then I have to pick a new word: like "believe" Nah, I used that word for like 2-3 years straight until something that I actually wanted to believe would happen, happened! Yep that was a good word, alright. So, I picked "thankful" and then I actually became thankful for some of the people who sucked. How about that? Even words can turn on you, in a good way. So I will be thankful that even though I became sick and broken again, that I now could choose to "believe" that I could be "thankful" for people who were just in different places on their "bridges" Maybe they don't even know they need to build one, maybe they are half way over or lucky enough to be all the way over. And if they are thinking of jumping, then I can be thankful that I don't want to jump anymore too. And I "guess" I could try and talk them down or at the very least, throw a few bricks at them, so they could start building their very own bridge, right there and then, right?

So the moral of the story is this: Life does suck, People suck and you SUCK! ( myself included) And it's really a crappy word, so pick another one, like "believe" or "thankful" or "forgive" or even "bridge" And realize that some of us are walking "Seven Mile Bridges" and some only have a hop, skip and a jump and maybe all any of us really need is a little "kindness" along the way...hmm that's a nice word, now isn't it?

And if you try a little kindness then you'll overlook the blindness