No man knows the hour!

Oh Dear God! I have been so busy living and working and worrying that I totally missed the email about today being the last day! Crap! How am I gonna explain this to The Big Guy? He will probably just take one look at me and say "It figures!" I am just not prepared...I have to write some more blogs and clean my house and pack it up and buy some birthday presents and pay some bills...wait a minute! SKIP paying the bills-just in case! I am not making light of the whole subject, believe me! I was involved in a religious cult for a few years back in the early eighties and they had us scared shitless! I constantly worried that Jesus was coming back and I was always "looking to the east" to see if He was coming in the clouds! Now what is wrong with that? God does not want us to worry! A life lesson I have been trying to learn...well, frankly, all my life! "Cast your cares upon Him, for He careth for you" When I clicked on some facebook thing "What is your life verse? "(from the bible) that's the one that popped up....know what I said? "It figures!" Back to the cult: Did I learn about love and forgiveness and life everlasting? Yeah, sure...a little bit, BUT there were conditions! Oh Yes! These people had rules and the rules were, mostly for women, IN FACT! the only rule for men was this: You have to wear a WHITE shirt if you want to come to the altar to pray or be prayed for. I am dead serious too. NOW for the women: 1. NO makeup ( Lotsa chicks in desperate need for makeovers in that church, Hell, even an old barn needs a little paint now and then, but not THESE old...well, you get the picture and it was not a colorful one! ) 2. No pants ( I think this was to distinguish us from being mistaken for men...all I know is since mini-skirts-one of my personal all time FAVORITE fashions- were not allowed, I did not dress so cute.) 3. NO jewelry, except for a wedding ring and/or a watch ( that was easy, didn't have too much at that time anyway) 4. You can NOT cut your hair! It is "a covering" kinda like, a yarmulke, or back in the day when Catholics wore those lacy things on their heads when they went to church. That was easy too, I already had long hair, leftover from my "hippie" days in the seventies...Who knew? But I went "rogue" and dyed my roots while my sister went traditional and well, I never really discussed it with her, but I think all the rules literally turned her hair gray! 5. You must go to church each service, no matter what!  Do you know how hard that was? Find a dress, not just for me, but two little girls, who by the way, I didn't make follow the rules, I let them wear shorts and look normal for the most part. I had to brush that long hair. Well I guess I did cut out some of the time by NOT applying makeup or putting on jewelry. Hmmm... And then there was Number 6. Ah yes, six, six, six! wait a minute! 666! Yikes almighty-the devil's number. Oh, man! No wonder this rule caused such havoc and trauma in all our lives! Hindsight is 20/20, right? The rule was this: No TV or movies, unless, it was religious programming! Yep! Well I could never give up TV, so we we watched TBN 24/7-all of us! No "Smurfs" for the kids, blue devils!...my sister went rogue on this and let the kids watch and I guess mine snuck over there to watch too. Thank God, they weren't total robots and had minds of their own, ALTHOUGH, 25 YEARS LATER, they throw the Smurfs in my face! Come on! Really? Smurfs? Mommy will buy you a $5 DVD at Walmart and you can watch all you want! Build a bridge and get over it!!! And this was the same as far as music was concerned too! Would that be Number 7? Now that is God's number, so music of all kinds must be OK, right...right? WRONG! Must be "religious" So the second trauma in our family was this: No KISS! They were Kings In Satan's Service! Oh yes, they were, so No KISS music and no KISS "Barbie dolls" for Christmas! Now to this day, my girls throw THAT in my face! Really? Hey, I LIKE Gene Simmons, he's a pretty smart guy and quite the family man...So Mommy will buy you a KISS doll ( only if I can get it real cheap on E-bay, mind you) and you can shove it where the...uh, where the other barbie dolls are: What did you think I was gonna say? Are we done? Am I still going to heaven now that I have exposed The Nuts, as I like to fondly remember them? I will never forget the Sunday when the preacher was talking about Jezebel and how she was basically, a painted whore, but he said it in "Church talk" WELL, that day my lips were chapped and I DID put some lovely pink, really more of a nude color gloss on my lips. Somehow I could never throw it away with the rest of my makeup (THAT was a dark day! I had a LOT of makeup! I LOVE that stuff!!!!) Anyway, my 'roots were freshly done too and that guy, that preacher guy turned and looked right at me! Can you believe it? He was calling ME a Jezebel! OMG! And that was before OMG, we would not have been allowed to say or write THAT, I can tell you right now! So! that was it!  I had an epiphany,I sure did! I sure did! and I took my kids and went home to my husband, who had by that time, stopped going to church ( He wasn't real crazy about WHITE shirts, they were too hard to keep clean and then he got tired of spending Saturdays working to fix up the preacher's house, hmm...so he built a different kinda bridge and basically "sprinted" over it) So! That afternoon, I went to Walmart and bought makeup, lots of it! and hair dye ( the bleachi-est blonde I could find) and I got shorts and jeans and flip-flops and I guess I was just having a ME moment (long before they were in vogue, don't ya know) because I totally FORGOT to get a Smurf VCR tape or a KISS Barbie doll for my kids! OMG! But I was FREE! just the way God wants us to be...He did not come to make us prisoners, He came to SAVE us, and save He did! I started building MY bridge and realized that God and/or Jesus do NOT reside in a church building OR make up crazy rules. He resides in my heart and I can honor Him by keeping Him there and when He DOES COME BACK, He will come and say to me as He takes my hand "Do you want to come with Me, too?...It Figures!"

He Was There All The Time, there all the time...

Just one word

Driving home yesterday, I heard a song and heard a word-one word and thought I want to WRITE!!!! Everyday every minute! there is so much to say! Hope I get to say it...I write best when I am alone and it is hard to find ME time, but I just need to get up early, I guess...easier said than done, of course! SO..the word was "Breathe" nice song...lulling,lilting,smooth...knock you out and put you to sleep nice! Anyone ever tell you to "Breathe" Maybe you WERE having a panic attack or just heard some disturbing news, BUT! Why do people say that? Isn't it a given that I WILL breathe, unless of course, I am having some kind of medical difficulty and even then, "Put some oxygen on my face and THEN tell me to "BREATHE!" That would be appropriate... Here's another one: "Count to ten" hmmm, why ten? Why not twenty? If it IS me, why not three? I want things to change and be better in three seconds, not TEN! Yes Three is my number...I only have three seconds of patience in me and then God help whoever told me to count to ten, because I will give them exactly THREE seconds to get out of my face and then "You better run, you better hide" Cause what ever the reason was that 'caused' YOU to tell me to count to ten will be GONE and I will now focus all my energy on YOU!...Maybe that DOES work...hmmm... Since we are bringing up "Stupid things to say to a Scorpio" how about? let me think..."Stop and smell the roses" which immediately cause me to take in a DEEP breath, which will make all the "Take a breath" people happy, I am sure! I will STOP! when and IF I want to...don't tell me...Granted, roses are lovely and perhaps one of the sweetest smells God ever planned, EXCEPT, He coulda made the fragrance stronger and the wind blow a little bit more around them so I don't have to STOP! bend over and smell them. Now don't all you "Garden People" start telling me that "there ARE roses that have a stronger,more aromatic smell, you know! "Yep! I DO know! Just saying, I might not have time to stop so the smell should just come right up to me to remind me to slow down, that's all...And I suppose...if I STOP, I will then "Slow down?" Yeah, whatever, Garden People, ya happy now? MY Scorpio "sisters" will have to check in and tell me if I am talking truth or talking trash, but some phrases that people say are just DUMB and annoying and these are MY Top Three! Now, If you "slip" and say one of these, I will NOT make you pay the price, I will ignore the stupid statement and forgive you, because...that is what I do...I forgive...IT is what gets me through this crazy game of life. BUT you can't go around telling people "Now, just STOP, count to THREE, SMELL and now, FORGIVE!" or can you? I will try this one out on a fellow Scorpio and my bet is this...She will look and me real funny-like and say "What the hell?" Perhaps you wonder...Do I ever say these things to people myself? Well, SURE, all the time! I'm a nurse, for crying out loud! I get paid for telling patients to "Breathe" ya know and sometimes I have to tell family members to go in the hall or outside and "count to ten" and then after all is said and done and things are better for them all...I tell them to "Appreciate Life and each other and slow down and stop to smell the roses" I LOVE helping people like that! Whew! Another subject to cross off my 'bucket list" of stuff to write about! Well..."Have a nice day, everyone!" and
Breathe, just breathe

Too much Stuff?

What is it with a Tee Shirt??? WHY can't I throw them AWAY?? I have too many clothes, like most people in this US of A, but I DO donate regularly to AMVETS...They give them back to people who need them...They don't SELL them to people who NEED them...So! guess you get THAT picture, huh? I go through my clothes, mostly Tee-shirts and I put them in the Amvets pile and then I take them back and then I put them back! Jeez! I practically have to take one of my vertigo pills before I do it...HOW can you be emotionally attached to TEE shirts? Well, THAT, my friends, was ONE thing I did not explore in my years of therapy!

I have a "Mickey Mouse" shirt from 1971, before Disney World was even built. We toured a little trailer on a lot in Orlando to see a "Diorama" of the future world that was to come. Too bad a guy wasn't sitting there selling stock in the company. Even a 16 year old would have done that! But I bought a tee shirt instead! I wore it SO much to school that my DECA teacher, Mr Crawford, who I had an incredible crush on, used to call ME "Mickey" I Loved being called Mickey, especially by him...Awwwww, the memories, the butterflies ,the....huh? well anyway, guess you can figure out my emotional attachment to that tee shirt and YEP! still got it! Hey, it's an antique now! I have a few 'other' Mickey Mouse Tee shirts and to part with any of them is not easy...

I went to Boston a few years back and have a red shirt with navy letters and it says ...BOSTON. What else would it say? The fabric is soft and I just LOVED Boston!...I have a red shirt from Clear Lake Iowa that is "swirled" into a Coca Cola like shape. The fabric is rough, ...but I LOVED Clear Lake. My sister had a duck shack there! and as any of you who were "raised right" know...Clear Lake is where Buddy Holly went down in a plane, so it would almost be disrespectful to the dead to get rid of it, huh?

I have several ST Patricks Day shirts! And I LOVE St Paddy's Day! We are all about celebrating it in my family and we have MANY extended IRISH family members who celebrate with us in our little hometown parade. Even the NYPD bagpipers show up for that one! Aye, but there are only TWO kinds of people,ya know...those who are Irish and those who wish they were! And speaking of the fabulous NYPD, I have a few "911" tee shirts that will hang in my closet eternally...enough said.

I have some silly Halloween and Christmas Tee Shirts, I "guess" I could give some of them up...but no way am I getting rid of my classic Chevy Chase Christmas Vacation tee shirt! Oh and I'm keeping Ralphie, from A Christmas Story too! Two of my favorite Christmas movies of all time...I really should go through my collection of DVDs and get rid of some of them too, but talk about "attached" I have some of the best romantic comedies and Christmas movies of all time in my collection! Oh MAN! Here I go again!...hmm, the CD collection should be cleaned out too. Crap!

I guess some things will always be favorites, and painfully hard to part with, because they define WHO you really are in the end, don't they?

I'm forever yours...faithfully

DNA : Awesome Genetics!

Did you ever just love somebody that you hardly even really knew? Maybe you only met once or twice in a lifetime but then a little thing called Facebook comes along and Voila! You get to know some one's daily thoughts and feelings as they are actually feeling it I have sooo many subjects to write about that I have to keep notes of my titles, but when I write, it just comes to me. It is a gift, I think, because I am not so smart and quick and brilliant... but some of my writings are! I read some poems and can't believe that I wrote them! I want to publish, but don't know how, hence the blog or as I like to say "The Lazy Man's Way To Journalism" Maybe I'll be discovered and some "suit" will want me to write a daily or weekly column, cause I totally would! OR put all this stuff together and write a book? There is a book in me...there is a book in everyone, I believe...Sometimes we have to "ghost write" for people we love or people we hold dear to our hearts...

 In the olden days, there was a thing called "penpals" Get ready, kids, cause I will explain: You picked a pen pal who lived far enough away that you could not easily visit and you could not call them either because it would be "long-distance" and that was so expensive that we actually feared the telephone somewhat! I had a BFF, and she used to go to South Carolina each summer so we would write letters with a pen and paper and put a stamp on it and mail it! WHEW! It would take days to get to her and then she would write back when she could and use a pen and paper and put a stamp on it and then, Yep! you guessed it! A whole week passed before I got her reply to my great letter, which at that point I had forgotten what I even wrote in the first place! Remember, it was the olden days: NO Copies! No place to "store" the letters NO Proof of your witty repartee' unless you used something called carbon paper, but again, it was expensive. So all those letters are Dust In The Wind, along with the friendship? I hope not... She is not a facebooker and she disappeared about 5 years ago. I DO give her credit for igniting this writer within and since she was a writer too-I kept a few of her most humorous ones. She was indeed a friend for "reason" Back to the future! I mean present...I now know my cousin, who I might have never known and I get choked up when I think about her...She is a constant in my life now, because of FB.

How I wish my own sister up north was here ( in Facebook Land) too! I have been gifted by God with more than one BFF and could write (and have written ) pages and pages about them. Some with an actual pen and paper! I found some the other day in a notebook of mine that started because I almost had a near brush with death...That is another whole blog! So, my cousin is caring...she speaks to me everyday and she is encouraging...she asks me "where the hell is the blog" She just did and so here I am, baby! Back to the Blog! She prays and asks for prayer's! and I am a "prayer" I can get the job done when it comes to that and she knows it! She is, next to my daughter, they have the same blood...the greatest sports fan of all! She is faithful and loyal to all the Chicago teams. Heck, for some reason, maybe it was Saturday Night Live or "Brian's Song" but I have always kinda liked "The Bears!" myself. She is funny! witty! again! the same blood! She is like glue...Galaxy Glue, Galaxy Glue, what would we do without Galaxy Glue? Life would go to pieces without Galaxy Glue...she will know what I am talking about every time! We are kindred. Genetics and DNA: Awesome! There is a code that links us together. She keeps the families, North and South ,together! Bet she didn't even know how special she really is, but she knows now! Why? Cause she is my faithful follower and she will read this before anyone else ever will and I love her for it. I hope her whole real, first family (you know, the one that has "skin" on them) knows what an important part she plays in this game of life! It's kinda like putting a puzzle together...If you didn't have that one crucial piece, you couldn't complete the whole picture! You "complete" us...all of us! So,this one's for you, Vori, my BFF cousin, the very puzzle piece that put our whole family together! Job well done, or "Well done, You" as the British would say!

To know,know, know you is to love, love, love you...

Do you know me?

Ray Charles sings one of the most beautiful songs "You don't know Me" and in the movie Groundhog Day there is a dance scene in a gazebo with Bill Murray and Andie McDowell that is classic and beautiful. Do you ever feel like people don't know you? I do...Maybe it's because I am a Scorpio and take secrets to the grave if you tell me or that I have secrets too. I am surprised sometimes by things that people say or suggest to me...like identifying me with a political party that I have no loyalty to? First age old rule :no politics please or at least keep your opinion to yourself...I do...Oh I might roll my eyes at stuff, but what am I really rolling my eyes about? I might be a few steps ahead of you and already thinking of something else. My political view is this: get ready! I feel strongly BOTH ways. I am one who has always thought that I should listen to all and take the best from all and maybe I am good at keeping secrets because you thought I thought this when I really think this! hmmm...

Or do you think I am a tree hugger or not? Hmmm...Always loved trees. Remember? "the girl in the tree is Me" I recycle and I cringe when a piece of paper is wasted but do I always recycle ? nope! but I do a lot of the time... Always loved the planet earth...I am a resident here and I am amazed at the wonders of nature that my creator has created...Oh yes, here we go...my religious views are on the table now, so here is my belief: If I was walking along the beach and having a wonderful day at the ocean (one of Mother Nature's most awesome gifts for sure!) and I saw something shining that washed up on the shore and picked it up and saw that it was a watch, then I would say to myself "wow, a watch, who made this?" Someone, somewhere made this-there is a watchmaker who created this...the watch may or may not be broken, just like anything or anyone that has been created, but it is a watch and it is here... So now comes creationism...did we evolve from tadpoles and monkeys or did we just start out human? Oh boy! I believe what I believe but in the grand scheme of things, I will not waste time arguing about how we started because in the end, who cares? Our beginning will be explained in our ending and we ALL have a beginning and an ending, RIGHT??? So I believe that my beginning and my ending will result in this: I will meet the watchmaker and if this gives me peace in my heart, then why would I want to argue about the deepest secrets and beliefs that I hold to be true to my soul? and why would I want to shove them down your throat either? If you are curious about what I really believe and want to really know me, then just ask! But then... just listen...don't judge, don't argue and just don't ask unless you want to really know me! Will it make a difference in how I feel about you? NO! because if you are my friend, I will love and care for you regardless of our differences in what we believe. My beliefs will not stop my love for my friends and family, but my beliefs will probably enhance that love. So leave me to my beliefs and know this: that just because "you don't know me" doesn't mean that I will love you any less. I believe in the "unique-ness" of us all and if you really knew me, you would know, that I am not so unique,after all....I don't have it all figured out for you and the rest of the world...I just have it figured out for me...

I'm just a friend,that's all I've ever been, cause you don't know me

Going home



You know the saying "I feel like a red-headed step-child" Funny? Maybe? But did you ever feel like one? Did you ever feel like you don't quite belong somewhere? That the puzzle pieces or the shoes are not fitting? Maybe it's school or work or your group of friends...Or maybe you were a foster child or literally-a red-headed step child! Note: I LOVE Red Heads! it is the purest of hair colors! Just try to alter it or "become one" It ain't easy...I know!

So here you are in this land, and it sure isn't "Kansas" and you feel restless and disjointed and you might not know why OR you DO know why...What do you do? Well, if you are a kid, that is when you start talking to God, cause there has got to be somebody somewhere who can help you out and you just might want to "make friends" with HIM! And if you are an adult, you might want to start talking to God, also! Prayer changes things...I know


Now the funny thing is...and I am in no way, discounting what real foster and step children go through! My heart aches for them...I want them ALL to feel the best gift of ALL-belonging with a group of family and friends that make you just say "Aaahh" when you are with them. THAT is what "Home" really is...It's not even a place, it's a group of real,live people. It's "that place where you belong"

So, you may be in a "place" where you don't feel at home or you don't "feel the love" It doesn't mean that you can't learn something while you are traveling this "yellow brick road" of sorts, does it? Heck, you might not even know you are on it, but you DO know you are going somewhere and if you are lucky enough, you will have a  scarecrow, a lion and a tin man to help you on your way! Oh and don't forget the dog, yes "Toto too"

Maybe one day, someone will look at you and want to "adopt" you! They will have you sign papers in the form of tuition papers or even a PAF (personnel action form) Or you will sign imaginary papers and be brought right into the family just because you are a new friend...Remember "Blood doesn't make you family, Love makes you family" My Quote! It feels so good and natural to bring that person "in" We have recently adopted a big brother for my girls and also a little sister! Sounds silly, but they have both taken a place in my heart where they will forever be at home there... The heart is an amazing piece of real estate, it just grows and grows and expands to gather in more people to love if you will just let it...and the only investment is loving and caring for one another. Yep! it's true, I know...I know

I have learned on this road to pray,pray,pray not just for yourself, but for others, maybe that is one of the keys. Many people have rougher roads to travel, but yours is rough for you, now, isn't it? No room in the suitcase for guilt. Have faith in Him and your family and friends. Did you gain any friends on that road? Don't leave the lion ,who might have been there all the time and has done a pretty good job of protecting you or the scarecrow, who has helped you find the way and really is quite smart! And maybe the tin man is a friend you have gained along the way who has the biggest heart of all and you would have never met, save for this journey.

And so...it is time to leave Cabbage Patch Land and you might even get to change your name from "Sneezy" to "Happy" Maybe you were allergic to the cabbage patch, just saying... And the best part of being adopted is this:You are chosen by those who really want YOU and so when you click your heels together and say three times, "There's no place like home" Just remember, that "home" is where you will find love and friendship and caring and you will truly call yourself Happy when you get there..

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came

These Dreams!

Dreams are funny aren't they? Sometimes you wake up in the morning with what I like to call: a dream hangover! the kind that won't let you fully wake up in to the real world and just start your day! It's like they want to become a part of your reality...the dream has a life of it's own. You know, dreams can send messages and ideas and thoughts and revelations...A couple books here and there talk about them...I think one is a little book called The Bible and I DO have a reference book called "10,000 Dreams and Their Meanings" 10,000? really? To have 10,000 dreams it would take...let me do some quick math in my head (OKAY! I used a calculator!) Well, it would take 27.397 years so I guess the average Joe could have close to 30,000 in a lifetime, IF you are lucky!

So anyway! MY guess is that I have had almost 20,000 dreams and in my particular case, I remember about 5 of them to be hangovers which is 0.0005% (yeah, I used the calculator AGAIN! So?) Whew! But If I really think about it, there is a correlation to the amount of real life hangovers I have really had...Wow, I should get paid for this kind of research! And YES! I have only had about 5 hangovers in my life, and they were memorable too! Hmm, someone really needs to discover me...I have all kinds of ideas that nobody else does and I need to tell it to the world! OR maybe I have all kinds of ideas that everybody else does, but they have just not written it down! Either way, I need to get this info out there! So back to my dream last night,that is hanging on...It was very personal and real and involved a friend and it was a message to all who would have friends and call them dear. And I happen to have some of the greatest friends ever. I am "gifted" with friends...they are like diamonds and I have quite the "diamond tennis bracelet" of friends, I must say!

 I don't know if you choose your friends or they choose you or life chooses them for you, but the riches that come with friendships are one of life's "eight wonders" My brother and my sister are my first best friends and they were "waiting " for me when I was born, so they were my first two diamonds and they sparkle brilliantly to this day! I have never had a fight with either one of them (People don't usually believe this, but it's TRUE!) Now that is not to say that they both have not done ME bodily harm...I think I discussed this in an earlier blog, BUT I really, really LOVE them and as I am writing this, I realize that I learned about real love from them, not my parents... Sorry Mom and Dad, you did the best you could, but they loved and cared and protected me while you two worked and lived your detached adult lives in the 50s and 60s, smoking and drinking and cavorting in your spare time...Is that why they call them Mad Men?

 It was not Father Knows Best OR The Donna Reed Show at our house... Baby Boomers, huh? They had us, but what did they do with us or for us? They just had a bunch of kids cause that's what people did? Thank God for whoever invented birth control! I don't know about YOU, but I really gave a lot of thought to having my kids and I had only two...We wanted more,but I could go on and on about the whys and what ifs, and then there is the feeling of wonder...A child is so precious...I wonder if I did right by her...I hope I did...It was MY decision that brought her into this world...Is she happy? Could I have been a better parent? (YES!) But here is the real wonder...Baby Boomers never gave it a thought, they just had kids cause everybody else did...I could be wrong ,but I don't think so...Whoa! Where did that come from? I told you! Someone needs to publish all this stuff  I come up with! So, back to dream hangovers...You didn't really think I would share something as personal as to what my dream was about, did you? It WAS about friendship and love, that is all I will say and maybe when I DO write a book, it will include all those treasures, but not today! Today I will just be thankful to my parents, and since they had a bunch of kids anyway, that the bonus was this: I ended up with the best gifts of all, the best brothers and sisters on this earth, the ones who really taught me about love and friendship and I am a better friend to all because of them...

Why's it so hard to love one another...love your sisters, love your brothers