17 again

I can write about anything…I just look at a thing or think of someone and I write…and then I have writers block when it comes down to it. And what or who shall I write about? Did I ever write about the truth or the time I seem to be stuck in? There’s something about my age, my generation that makes us all think we are 17 again. A co-worker looked at me at lunch and said “That’s where I really am…” and she meant... or what I think she meant is; our faces and bodies are growing older, but we see that 17 year old in the 60s and early 70s who really just wanted a few simpler things like:

The Vietnam War to end…

The Beatles ( or The Monkees ) to come to town...

To wear the latest fashions...

To have a boyfriend...

To wear the latest clothes, whether we bought them or sewed them or were given “hand-me-downs” from a friend; I think they call them “vintage” now. There was no doubt that you could wear them, they just fit, it was a 17 year old body! everything fit! If only I had taken pictures of my favorite outfits! We had a closet full, thanks to my brother’s girlfriend, mostly. She brought us her “gently worn” hand me downs every few weeks when we were in the last years of high school. She kept us from taking "that" hit... We were dressed for high school success! From Carnaby Street, where my idol Twiggy was from (Austin Powers, to the youngers) to preppy Gant shirts and Villager skirts and LaTisse purses to Bass Weejuns...no,I never had those, but Donna had Weejuns and we just dreamed about them. We wore saddle-shoes and Mary Jane or “baby doll” shoes mostly. We had “shifts" and mini-skirts with wide belts and micro-mini dresses that we all wore to the Monkees concert ( as close as we were ever gonna get to the Beatles) Jimi Hendrix actually “opened" for the Monkees; it was awesome long before awesome! We borrowed clothes from each other and sewed clothes.

We made shifts, mostly and I made the dress I wore to homecoming. It was a pink satin empire waisted dress with long sleeves and a silver trim around the waist...No pictures though, nobody cared enough to be there or take one for me...

There I was in that short dress and I had another boyfriend at the time, but I went with Chris, instead, 

who I was thinking would make a really nice, new boyfriend, but it didn’t work out. I was too quiet and painfully shy and I spent too many "moments" watching my old boyfriend dancing with that blonde chic instead of making my own moments with Chris on the dance floor, myself. He was handsome and sexy and all I really wanted from him was to dance with him and hear him say
 “you are so pretty tonight” Years later, I found out he carried my picture with him when he was in the Navy and told his buddies I was "gorgeous” Wow.

And as vain as it seems, most  17 year old girls will finally admit that what they really wanted was:

To be called pretty

To have someone tell you that “My Girl” by The Temptations reminded them of you,

 instead of feeling like you were being directly sung to when
"Hey There Lonely Girl" came on the radio.

To be a stewardess or model; anything that might take you NYC. 

There were no long term dreams, we loved and lived in that 17 year old moment.

I lived a lot age 15 to 17 and I did not do drugs or sleep around…sometimes I wonder  why I didn’t…

 I guess it was The Baptist church that kept me wholesome, and Dee and I went every week...

To hear the gospel preached? Hell, no! ( but it sure rubbed off) There were some really cute boys at
 that church and we wanted to date all of them. Bobby was one of them, so was Jim and Kenny and
Steve and even Paul...but he was always in the "friend" zone and he knew it and paid me back in
other ways. He told Steve's mother that I was pregnant, which was not true, I told you I was wholesome, didn't I ? What a jerk!

 To this day he denies it and Stevie's mom was so pissed that she  beat the crap out of him with

 a fly swatter for that little lie. She thought I wasn't good enough for her baby boy and that I lived on the wrong side of The Boulevard.
 Just because she saw us kissing at the beach one day. Big deal, lady!
We were "just" kissing. Years later he said it was one of his "most memorable moments" in a 25 year class reunion booklet.
What the hell? He needs to find the nearest bridge and "get over it"
Thought I was gonna say "Jump off of it" huh? Nah, he was cute and sweet,
but he was a Mama's Boy, that's all...

17 again...a simpler, more complicated time? You bet...Would I change anything? Sure, why not?
People that say they wouldn't seem delusional to me. Why wouldn't you change to make things better for you and others?
 What? Worried about messing up the space-time continuum? What a crock!
That just happens in movies, or does it?

And the way she looked was way beyond compare...

Tick Tock

SO many topics, so little time... I am thinking that I don't like the way time is passing! The older I get the quicker, it goes. Now I don't mind it when Monday through Friday goes by like a flash, but can the weekends slow down a little? Geez! 2012 has already "lost" January! Now it's Valentine's Day and then St Patrick's Day and then Easter and then summer with July 4 and then the fall is here with Halloween and Thanksgiving and then Christmas again!  Bam! 2013! Already here!

Let's back up a little, shall we? or "can" we? Some parts of the day go by sooo slow,  like the 9-5 part although I do love my job and sometimes think "where has the time gone? I was just getting into a groove and now it's time to go home...Oh well, seeya tomorrow!"

And then I get home and it's time to get dinner and chill out and watch a TV show or  two. Seems like no time to exercise. I'm "too tired" to exercise and that is why I am hanging out on the couch....By the time, I think I might want to get up and move, then it is time to get up and move upstairs and take a shower and  go to bed. Phew, where did that evening go?
I try to spend some time writing but my mind is already catching some ZZZs and I am misspelling every other word! Thank God for spellcheck! I hope it works and my mind wanders again to thinking that I really do NEED to finish that crosstitch I started 3 years ago...It is a birth announcement for my second granddaughter, that is a "mimic" of the one I made for her cousin, my first granddaughter. That one only took me 2 -3 yrs to complete...

Time, you are no friend of mine
Always running away from me!
Stand still and just be...with me!
Time, are you an enemy? 

Ticking, tocking. Always "clocking"
Clocking my minutes, clocking my hours,
 clocking my days and clocking my nights...
Time, stop running! Taking with you my very life!
Running with the moments that I desire, running with the special times...
times with family, times with friends.
Times that I should have spent more wisely...
Will I ever see that the time that flashes by so swiftly
 is really all I have for "this" moment in time? 

Can time just stop and stand still ?
And let me finish my stitching, finish my writings, finish my readings?
Time, come sit beside me on  my comfy couch and "be" my friend!
 Let me just breathe and "not" count  to ten, because ten comes too quickly.
 Let me count to a thousand or ten thousand and slowly, slow time down...
Time, time, time...



And so I've run out of time and must finish my editing tomorrow and post my blog after that. I am not on a deadline to finish,but sometimes wish I were. I would write more that way. If I just had the time to really spend doing what I want to do, I would probably just waste the time and "veg" out on the couch anyway.                          

If I could save time in a bottle...

Don't argue...

Went to a "support group" with my sister last night for Caregivers...Hmmm, so who are we caring for? Well,  my sister's mother ( as we like to call her ) comes to mind...BUT we find out that we care for more than her , or we should care for more than her, like maybe OURSELVES! There's a thought.
So there was another set of siblings and we are told that we are all lucky to have sibling support and we also find out that "their" mother is the same kind of mother as "our" mother. We went to Leeza's Place which is a place where there is support for people who "care" for their parents as they age and face the challenges of memory loss, confusion, lack of concentration, wait a minute! Are we still talking about our parents, or us???

Some have Alzheimer's or Oldtimers, whatever you want to call it, or Dementia or what we medical people used to call OBS or Organic Brain Syndrome-What? Who the heck knew what that meant anyway? Hello! It means they are OLD, OK?

I personally think that as we get older, we lose brain cells, like maybe every time we brush our hair, brain cells are attached to the fly away hair that we lose....I'm just saying...one Woman's theory. And tonight's word or theme is "positivity" Well, I would say that we are positively looking at the same thing happening to us! Yes, because Bonnie Sunshine told us that 55% of our makeup is genetic! Ah crap! The "odds" are not looking so good, folks! Hey Bonnie, hope you got some ideas for the other 45% we are tying a rope and hanging on here!

Am I gonna start to hallucinate, too? Well, we now learn that we are not supposed to argue with her, just let her be delusional...hmmm, we've been trying to redirect her to the truth or as we say "reality" and she gets all fired up when we don't agree with "her" reality! At first, her delusions were strange, but more pleasant and less terrifying. She told us that "someone" came into her room and took her address book and changed names and crossed out other names and just screwed the whole thing up! Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the "new" handwriting is hers...Then! "someone" drew black circles around the faces in all her photos...Sounded a lot like "The Great Teddy Bear Incident of 2009"  the one where "someone" came into her room and drew black magic marker circles around her little stuffed teddy bears' eyes. Well, come to find out, "Old" people start having a little trouble with their vision, which could be the answer to some of this delusion.

But then, "someone" came in and get this! They REDECORATED her room! Wish "someone" would come to my house, Mom! So turns out, we should just agree, and say "Wonderful job, I like what they've done with the place" instead of "Are you nuts, Mom?" Someone also brought her a brand new sewing box, too, and when she showed it to me, all I could think was "that's the same piece of crap you've had for 12 years" but this time I just nodded and said "Very nice"

And now the kicker... it seem's that certain medications ( Gee, like the one I told them to discontinue, Oh, 5-6 weeks ago!) will cause these poor old souls to actually have hallucinations in the first place! Are ya kidding me? I knew that Serroquell was some bad stuff--Some people call it Silly-quell...So these people that we trust in the ALF to take care of all these old people don't know Jack or Jill about the side effects of the pills that they are giving to them! As a nurse, I try to trust until you earn my distrust and son of a bitch if they didn't earn it...I don't trust any of them...I want to yell at them and make them take Silly-quell for punishment! "The idiots are running the asylum" comes to mind and that about sums them up!
But, not to worry, I only have a 55% chance of having the very same thing happen to me when I get to be an old woman Well, if that's the way it's gonna be, then I positively refuse to grow old gracefully!

So if you should survive 'til a hundred and five...

Happy New Year

2012-Here we go! Hmmm, Shall I look back and reflect or look ahead and ponder? If I look back, I can see how fast a year can fly! Seems I was just at my brother and sis-in-law's new lake house celebrating 2011 with them and it was the first New Years Eve party we had been to in years! We usually just stay home like we did tonite.

Looking back to 2011, I was in a job that for 2 years had pretty much taken the wind out of my sails. I worked part time doing things that no nurse should ever do~ sit at a desk for hours and hours and answer phones and read charts and direct traffic and transfers and work with some of the best and worst nurses I have ever met in my 30+ career! The "most miserable" of men and women, for sure.

So how does one get to this point?
Well let's see...I thought it was because I was "broken". I had taken too many hits to my body, the last one sent me flying into a wall because I tripped over a wheelchair that wasn't there 2 seconds before. I remember being on the ground and not caring if there were any broken bones or bruises...I just wanted up and out and after some visitor helped me up, I refused to go to the ER...I have this thing-I will walk away on broken bones if I have to but I will NOT become the injured. Funny thing about it is, that my body felt the impact a few short days later. And as I had said several times before...I'm gettin too old for this shit-I gotta get outta this place, the frontlines are killing me. I had been at the bedside battlefield for many years and had injured my back and various other bones and muscles in my body and it was time to retire them to the dreaded desk job. I had done this before and hated it, but this time I felt I had no choice so I willingly took a transition job.


What were those nurses so damn serious and miserable about? No crash carts, nobody's life hanging in the balance. I can truly say that I hated that job and it was no secret. I was constantly looking for a new job and I had my eyes set on one in the promised land. I had applied for the job I wanted three times and the charm finally worked in February 2012. I left Purgatory and arrived at Heaven's Gate. I no longer felt like a step-child or orphan. I had a home of my own: my computer, my chair, my desk, my phone, my everything and I hate to admit it but the job I hated actually prepared me for the job I love. Who knew?

Can you imagine working in a place that you feel welcome? Or you are treated like a professional? A place where the perks are many and the pains are few.I have arrived and I will stay here and be happy here and retire from here in the next several years.
So job-wise 2012 was a great year to say the least.

It was also a year that I lost my home in Georgia. I am renting it now, but the dream of living there is finally gone...And after much agitation, I refinanced and let strangers move into my home. I will never go back there and I hope to sell it and break all ties this year. We bought this home in 2006 hoping to move there someday, but the economy tanked and it just never worked out. I loved it there though...I "lived" there...and I worked here. My heart aches for NE Georgia and it will always "be on my mind". I cannot tell you how many flashbacks I have in a day...to a place, a scene, to one of the many roads I travelled. I felt such peace there.I have to let her go though.I brought my things back here and maybe it will help to surround myself with my furniture, my dishes, my blankets and my quilts, but I will always miss her and so "you can't always get what you want, but you can try sometimes and you get what you need"

Why should one person be so lucky as to have a great job and wonderful home all in the same place anyway?? That would actually mean that I could be happy 24 hrs a day! your job? 8hrs a day, your home? another 8hrs a day and the other 8? sleep, wonderful sleep, for the most part anyway. I can look back and say I gained a great job and lost a beautiful home but what I have not talked about is the fact that I have kept closest to my heart, the love of family and friends and that is the greatest gift of all.

For 2012 I want to remain happy at my job and learn to be happy in my home here and maintain the love of family and friends. I would like to take better care of myself but I have broken that promise to myself too many times so we'll see. Last year, I actually made a resolution that I knew I could keep: I would gain weight! and by Golly, I did it! I did not disappoint myself that way. It was really easy! So I resolve to do something that I know I can do again this year and that is to be thankful, first for my family and friends and then for my job and then for my home and then I will hope that I will love myself enough to take care of me for a change, but I can't make any promises about that one...

We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to time...

The Twelve Ways of Christmas...

I hate Christmas...there I said it! So sue me! And why do you ask, do I hate Christmas? Let me count the ways, but perhaps I should just list for you the "12 Ways of Christmas" eh? Whaddya think? Bah Humbug! I don't care what ya think, so you are getting this anyway!

On the First Way of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a new remodeled bathroom upstairs! Woo-Hoo! True story, not making it up. New tile, new tub, new toilet, new vanity, new faucets! WHAT could be wrong with that??? Well...He started this awesome "re-model" in October and it is now December. The little "behind the scenes" problem? I have no bathroom and that means no shower and so, I must go next door to my sister's to take showers and go downstairs to use the "facilities" as they say! Perhaps, God willing, it will be done for Christmas??? Sure! A very real possibility, BUT now we have to paint the bedroom and shampoo the carpet and remove the 30+ year old POPCORN from the ceiling! And that means that my bedroom furniture is now in my living room! Crap! Trust me, I could not make this stuff up! Talk about A Nightmare Before Christmas!

On the Second Way of Christmas, my true love gave to me...well we can just 'cut' the true love crap right here. He's too busy working on the bathroom to do anything else! Believe me, I do NOT want to distract him from this mighty task in any way, shape or form! So the second way I hate Christmas is this: It 'sneaks' up on you. HELLO! It was only just Halloween, right? Then Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday and then BAM! Christmas!

On the Third Way of Christmas, the way it comes to me is to deck (must be where the word "decorate" comes from) the halls! I have a storage room FULL of Christmas decorations! My kids used to say "Santa Claus threw up" in our house! If it was not tied down, it got decorated. Seems, when they grew up, Santa stopped 'throwing up' mostly because Mommy was tired...And now that I have Grandkids, I feel pressure to invite Santa to vomit again! Maybe if I give him a shot of Pepto-Bismol with his cookies, it won't be tooo bad! And I think I love to decorate! I hate to un-decorate!

On the Fourth Way, I hate shopping, but mostly I hate shoppers who are done on December 1st. It's a free world, do what ya gotta do, but do you have to announce to the whole flippin world "I have ALL my shopping done!" You quite possibly could be MUZZLED by the rest of us slackers! So keep your "tidings of great joy" to yourself, would ya?

On the Fifth Way of Christmas, I hate people who decorate their houses in lights and turn them on, when? Black Friday, that's when. Those poor sentimental chumps have no idea what kinda present Florida Power and Light is gonna send them at the end of the month! But do I want them to turn them off? Hell no! I gotta have some kinda joy when I am out there fighting the Christmas "rush" and these suckers are paying, not me!

On the Sixth Way, I hate all Christmas music... I don't want to "Deck the Halls" (We discussed this 3 Ways ago,right?)or Jingle (anybody's) Bells" and I don't want to hear Karen Carpenter sing "Merry Christmas Darling" or I will go into mourning, once again. Now she had the voice of a Christmas Angel, she did. And how about those "Three Kings of Orient Are?" I always wanted to google this and find out just where Orient-Are IS on the map!

On the Seventh Way, I hate Santa Claus! That big,fat guy has been bugging me for years...Always with the pictures, every single year like clockwork! Geez it all started in the 1950s with my brother and sister, hence the photo on my first page. Now I have to pressure MY kids to have THEIR kids take a picture with this guy, which in turn, "makes" me have to shop because, I think there is a law or something that says kids have to have appropriate holiday "garb" to get the pictures taken in the first place! CRIKEY! Back to the Mall.



On the Eighth Way of Christmas, I hate two particular Christmas movies...My favorite one to hate is the true tale of George Bailey in A WONDERFUL LIFE. It put me under some kinda wicked spell, because I found myself many years later in a Target store, hypnotized and mesmerized and ultimately being 'forced' to buy the ENTIRE collection of Bedford Falls! What a pain that was to set up every year! One year, I left my Wonderful Life Village up ALL year...It gave me such joy not to have to put it up again the next Christmas! But then I hated taking it down...Bedford Falls has been 'off the map' for many years now...So sad and I hate being sad...sometimes I feel like Georga Bailey in A Wonderful Life...sigh...And my second most hated movie? A Christmas Story, Why??? BECAUSE They play it for 24 dang hours straight on Christmas Day. How many times must I suffer looking at Scut Farkus' weasly-eyed face??? (You thought his name was Scott, didn't ya? Come on, admit it! If ya do, I'll give you a "major award") There's just something about the guy who wrote that story that is familiar... a bit of a smart aleck, he is...he kinda writes like me!

On the NINTH WAY of Christmas, I hate that I forget to do stuff for Christmas, like to get a present for any one of my family or friends, or forgetting to make cookies or forgetting to go to The Christmas pageant or parade or forgetting to just chill out and relax or forgetting to send Christmas cards or just forgetting...Kinda like I JUST FORGOT to write about the NINTH Way, so I had to go back and edit and re-write this part of the blog! I forgot who told me I forgot though...Wait a minute! I remember! My honest darling daughter read this blog and told me I forgot! Thank God she can count...I think I forgot how, to count,that is...

On the Tenth Way, I hate ALL Hallmark movies! Now they start showing them in October! Hey, let me take off my Halloween costume first! Come on! Talk about chumps and suckers! So why do I record each and every one? I gotta have something to do while I sit and procrastinate...Hey! let me run back to the store, which involves shopping and stocking up on tissues! They must have 4-5 new movies each year and then there are the re-runs...Darn those Hallmark traditions and the commercials too!

The Eleventh Way is All the Christmas treats and food...No wonder that Santa Claus guy is so darn fat! I get the extra added "gift" of about 5 lbs per year thanks to this crummy tradition! So, figuring 5 times 40 years, No wonder I am 200 lbs overweight! Oh,I go to Weight Watchers alright, but I watch it go up, not down. Thanks a lot, Santa!


And finally the Twelfth Way of Christmas that I hate is this: I don't really hate Christmas at all...I love it...all the decking the halls, all the treats, all the pictures with Santa, all the "Wonderful Life(s) and Christmas Story(s)" all the music, especially The Carpenters...hmm I think a "Carpenter" started all this Christmas stuff in the first place and those Kings were just looking for Him to give Him gifts...That is the part I really love,that Jesus came as a baby (I just LOVE babies, who doesn't?) He came so we could all celebrate and give love to each other and all the other stuff just comes with it...Sort of a package deal, especially since that St Nick guy started going town to town bringing gifts and treats to all who believe, because that is what I love the most-The Magic of Christmas, which is all about believing and love...and who could possibly hate that!

Merry Christmas Darling, Happy New Year too...

Autumn Slump, I guess...

So, what the hell is wrong with me now? I haven't written since 911? Must be some kinda hidden message there, or maybe September 11 is the kickoff to what I now call the Autumn Slump...

So here I am, ready to write...coffee-check! raisin toast-check! reading glasses- check! new laptop-check! (Lets just see how you roll, Miss Dell 2!) Tissues-check. Why Tissues? Because! I have already been crying all morning. Why? Well, Facebook stuff, that's why! Damn that Zuckerberg! I got a whole blog just waiting to be written about YOU...

What made me cry first? Hmmm, let me count the "posts". I realized that I was NOT getting some postings because I didn't have "all stories" button engaged and then Voila! I had several hundred postings to catch up on...Crap! I haven't been "on" Facebook as much lately, although some of my friends and family would not agree. BUT, I say! Just ask Vori! She KNOWS! She IS my cousin and because of Facebook, I have fallen in love with her! Oh come on! not in that way...again she is my cousin!

Vori is my kin. She is my kindred spirit. She gets me and I get her. How do I know? Because she reads my blogs and sees me there, because SHE is there. She is My Christina, and that means, she is my sister-cousin. She is faithful and true and FUNNY! She is me. My Christina is my niece, who is actually my daughter. She is the sister-cousin to my girls ( Not like sister-wives! What a bunch of freaks they are! So why do I watch? I dunno...) My girls were "raised right" and raised together. They are Three Peas in a POD! When you are that close, it is, shall we say? AWESOME! And Vori and her siblings "should" have been "raised" with me and my siblings, but she wasn't and DNA and genetics prevailed and here we are! Sister-cousins!

The reason I have not been "facing" Facebook is quite simple. I have a new job, which I just love! But I am on a computer 8 hours a day and when I come home, I just have to chill...and "switch" to my old lover-the television! She is a temptress that one...(She? So what! My TV is a girl and I like it!) Quite seductive, as she introduces me to all her friends in TV Land. I can't get enough of them...I tell you what though, I bought that Real housewife of New Jersey's cookbooks, and she is one crazy bitch! She is SO "The Teresa Show" that she doesn't even look around and SEE how lucky she is! She has a loving brother and  she has 4 daughters, who will hopefully grow up well, in spite of their crazy mother (maybe) And girlfriends! Whoa, Don't EVER lose A Girlfriend from Jersey, cuz they will stick with you forever. I know, I have a few of them, but, if they are done with you, they are done!


Enough of The Housewives... WHO? who? who? is gonna be our NextTop Model Superstar? Talk about some crazy biotches! Whew! They are my guilty pleasure...Why? Because back in the day, the "girl in the tree" was me, I wanted to be Twiggy, the first super model. I WAS Twiggy! Cute! Skinny! I was SO skinny! and Tall...1-2-3, that was me...My dream was to be a model and when I think of it today, I think "How shallow! These broads ain't got no friends, no family, no wonder they CAN be super models" My daughter and granddaughter and I watch every show together! I think Angelea just might pull it off this time! The 716 girl is in the house and hungry to win! From homeless to superstar! But watch out for Miss Laura! She is cute as a button, and her granny sews all her clothes. She is country girl competition! So, enough of these REAL People!

I tell you what! If I am EVER, God Forbid, in trouble and need a lawyer, PLEASE call Harriet Korn or even Tommy Jefferson ( See! I like men too! I am just very particular about them ) BUT FIRST! Call a cop and PLEASE send the boys in blue from the NYPD! Tom Selleck (Now HE is the first man I fell in love with...on TV, of course and I have been totally faithful to him for years, just ask my husband!) AND he can bring along "his boy" Donnie Walberg and his brother Mark too...You bet he can!

So, as you can see, I have been quite busy! And so I took today off and I am catching up with my "Real World" My first contact was my friend Bobby and I am excited to say that he is sending me a paper he wrote ( Ha! I love him too. Alas, he is a writer, a man after my own heart) "Shakespeare in the Wake of 9/11" I MUST google his Brothers and Sisters: Siblings in English Literature paper, too! Sooo much to do today and I do have my priorities in line...

My second contact was my neighbor Jan across the street. Talk about a REAL housewife and girlfriend! Is she from Jersey or New York? Crap! I better find out! That is one thing you don't wanna mix up. She had surgery this week and I must say, she is so brave and so strong and so loyal and loving. She has had many losses in her life and she chooses to be better, not bitter. I am in awe...so what did we do for her? Send her flowers? Nah! Send her a get well card? nah! We did what any self respecting Irish neighbor would do! Make her and her hubby dinner! We made our version of Italian Ziti or Irish-Italian Ziti, complete with salad (in a bag) fresh rolls ( from Publix bakery) Giardelli Brownies (Now, that's Italian!) And some kinda Chardonnay my daughter picked out! AND, dadadaDA! She liked it! It must be true, because she posted it on Facebook!

My third and fourth contacts are my siblings who are ALL on road trips where the leaves and trees are changing colors. Just a reminder, I am a TREE freak and I "fell in love" with them all over again hard and fast when I first saw them in their glory in Autumn, a few short years ago "in person" (See, I don't just "fall in love" with girls and boys, I love trees too. Mostly in the Fall, but they are beauteous in the Winter, as well) So, because I love MY trees and love my SIBLINGS so much and they are ALL together in different places as we speak, I feel heartache, hence the box of tissues. I can't even "speak" yet of my home, my very haven in Northeast Georgia...We used to spend time there every Autumn and Winter and I never did get to see her in the snow...I miss My Tree in the front yard most of all and My Big Tree on the Circle and to think I have lost "them" hurts my heart so...

My Autumn slump, not over,
I think it's just begun,
My trees, the very ones that God has colored
with his crayon box of reds and golds and plums.
To fall into you, to fall in love with you,
that happened years ago,
And you will bring me to my Winter,
when diamonds fall from skies, take your leaves away
and replace you with a white winter coat of snow.
I love you and I miss you so and my heart,
like a child who hugs a tree,
will always be with you...

Please, Heaven, Please!
Be an eternity with trees...


All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray

911 Ten Years Later

I knew what today would be...and what I wanted it to be...I woke up early and put on my September 11, 2001 "United We Stand" firefighters T-shirt, went downstairs, got coffee and turned on the channel that had the "Memorials" on live TV. I joined in on the moments of silence and the reading of the names and my heart "hurt" for ALL of them...ALL

Then they showed the waterfalls that were built on the sites of the Twin Towers and I thought "They did it...and they got it right" How beautiful to keep those sacred spots intact. Water has such a calming sound and effect on us...All I could think was...The waterfalls represent the millions of tears that have fallen since 911 ten years ago and the many more that will still fall. And there are tears from Heaven mixed in as well...There is also what seems to be a dark hole in the middle and it reminds me of the darkness of that day. The names of those lost that day are inscribed around the walls of the waterfall, again, they got it right. So simple a design, so beautiful a message...

I have spent the day watching the History channel and I am moved to my own tears and am horrified by the stories and videos that are playing ,but I am "keeping" this day as sacred by honoring every story that I can. Church could not even affect me today as much as I was comforted by The President reading the bible verse that he read-parts of Psalms 46 if I am correct. He will be criticized, I am sure, but he "got it right"


Although The Twin Towers was the main focus and the greatest loss of lives, there were other places attacked as well-The Pentagon and because of the heroes on Flight 93, The White House was spared and that plane went down in Pennsylvania. I cannot imagine the horror of being in any of those places on that sad day...whether you were facing death or risking your own life to save another or waiting anxiously to hear of your loved ones fate. "Where were you?" sang Alan Jackson a short time later. I remember where I was-I was at work, as a nurse, taking care of mothers and newborn babies. I was in disbelief at first and then when I knew it was a real threat, I began to try to dissuade my patients from watching the TV. Why? Because this was the first day of their babies lives and it did not need to begin in terror. After I did that, I went to the desk and remember Danielle, a nurse I worked with, trying desperately to get in touch with her cousin, who worked at Twin Towers, but there was no phone service. I went into the kitchen and cried. I truly thought it was the beginning of the end of the world and I cried, thinking "These babies have NO future, My children have NO future...I have no future" The rest is a blur. I cannot even tell you if Danielle's cousin was OK or not. To this day, I don't know. I checked with my sister-in-law because I truly did not remember. She had a cousin  James Deblase, who perished along with his co workers at Cantor-Fitzgerald.  My memory is not intact to that time and I did not even have anyone that I knew directly involved. However my daughter had visited NYC exactly one month earlier on Aug 11Th and had been up in one of The Twin Towers having dinner. She took a picture of The Twin Towers later that day which I keep to this day as a special reminder.

Just one month later, New York City changed forever. A whole nation changed forever and now we had "collateral damage" to deal with...the survivors, those who lost loved ones, and we were not even looking to the future yet when so many more would be lost due to this in the form of our US troops. It really hasn't stopped, has it? It goes on and on in a different form and lest we forget, there are STILL heroes "on the job" who deal with terrorism every day-our US Soldiers. They volunteer to keep us safe and they choose to keep us safe. I think the word us is spelled U.S. for a reason. It's not really a coincidence, is it? I hope this day is meaningful to "US" every one of US and for what it's worth, I vow to remember and never forget to be thankful and grateful to live in the greatest country in the world, the land of the free and home of the brave...

And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea...